Evanescent | Sung Hanbin ZB1

Ch.15 This Is It

Dal ended up giving Hanbin all her dream diaries, so he ended up spending the rest of the night in his study reading through them. He was finally able to retrieve the visions and images locked up in his subconscious. Everything in the dreams was so vivid, especially his feelings. Tears fell as he imagined how Dal must have felt over all these years, given that she remembered each and every one of the dreams so clearly. Her love and longing were evident in every single page of her diaries. And he felt so sorry for how long it took for him to remember her.

Those eyes that were packed with emotions on their first meeting - it was because the person she'd been waiting for her entire life was standing right in front of her. Her distant attitude since the beginning - it was because she was maintaining a distance to hide her true feelings. That sense of ease when he was alone with her - it was because in another dimension, they had known each other for their whole lives. He finally understood it all.

He was so engrossed in reading the diaries that he didn't even notice the sun was out until he heard rummaging sounds coming from outside. He then remembered Iseul, who had been in his bedroom all this time, when all he could think of was another girl. An enormous wave of guilt consumed him. He locked all the diaries in his cupboard and went out of the study.

"Hanbin-ah, I was looking for you. How come you're up so early?"

Hanbin went to Iseul and hugged her from behind.

"I'm sorry, Seul." He said with a heavy heart.

"Why are you apologising?"

"I'm just... sorry."

"Is it because of last night?" Iseul felt heat rising in her cheeks.

Hanbin stayed quiet with his arms still holding her tightly in his embrace.

"There will be times when we don't feel like doing it, so it's fine. I know you've been very tired lately."

Iseul's understanding made Hanbin feel even more ashamed. Being tired was nothing but an excuse; he just couldn't bring himself to do it with Iseul when his mind was still occupied by Dal after the exhibition. He bashed himself non-stop with the harshest criticisms and curses - how could he be doing this to Iseul? The girl he pledged to cherish and take care of since he was little; the last person he would ever want to hurt.

.

Hanbin contacted Dal a week later, after finishing reading all her diaries. He had been thinking a lot about Dal and a lot about him and Iseul for the past week, and he knew he had to put an end to this.

They agreed to meet in the afternoon, when Dal had an hour's break between jobs. When Dal got to the cafe, Hanbin was already there. He had a blank expression on his face and seemed to be deep in thought. The moment he saw her, a faint smile appeared on his face - a smile that made her heart ache for some reason.

"Hey," Hanbin greeted first. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Didn't have time to eat yet. I was a bit busy today."

"Don't skip meals even if you're busy."

"I can't get used to your gentleness today."

"Sorry, I must have left you baffled after acting out in Sokcho and leaving without a proper explanation."

"It was just business, so you weren't obliged to give me any explanation. You stayed responsible till the very last moment and found someone to fill your place. There's no need to apologise when you did everything right."

Hanbin would be stupid if he didn't get that she was being ironic. Perhaps their relationship should have been strictly business-only. Maybe that way, they could at least remain as hi-bye friends.

"Here, back to their rightful owner." Hanbin returned the set of diaries to Dal. "Thank you, Dal."

Dal froze as she heard him gently call out her name, like he would in her dreams.

"While reading your diaries, it felt like I found a missing piece in my life. It filled up a void that I wasn't even aware of, and it made me feel much more complete. Thank you for being there for me for the past 27 years."

"Did it even make a difference?" She couldn't look into his eyes. She wouldn't dare feel the sincerity he had.

"Yes, you have unknowingly impacted my behaviour all through my life, Dal. From small decisions like choosing a travel destination to giving me inspiration for work, I didn't know that till I recalled all our dreams, but you have left traces everywhere."

"That's more than enough."

"I'm sorry for not remembering you, not remembering our promise. Maybe we would have a very different ending to this if I had known you like you've known me." He wiped away the tears that fell from the corner of his eye. "But no matter how I acknowledge that the connection between us was real, dreams are dreams. There is a reality I can't disregard." He paused for a while and dropped his head. "I can't abandon Iseul."

"You made the right choice." She reassured him. Knowing Hanbin's character, she never expected Hanbin to choose her over Iseul. She came to him prepared to say her last goodbye. "I guess this is it then."

"Hanbin-ah, don't live with guilt. You're not responsible for everyone's happiness; you're only responsible for yours. So just live happily; that's all I want. And I would do the same." With that, Dal got up and left.

Dal didn't want to make their goodbye too dramatic. She could see that Hanbin was having a hard time, and she didn't want to make him feel even more guilty. She got the proper closure she needed, and it was the best ending she could picture. There was no need to make it difficult for both of them.

She locked up all the dream diaries later that night. Regardless of whether she would carry on dreaming about Hanbin, she didn't see a need to record them anymore. And her sixth sense was telling her that the dream she had on their birthday was probably the very last one; it was the last push for them.