Evanescent | Sung Hanbin ZB1

Ch.18 Don't Leave Me

"Seul, there's something I need to talk to you about." Hanbin gathered up his courage to talk to Iseul after their date one night.

"Sure, go ahead." Iseul felt a bit uneasy as she noticed the sudden seriousness in Hanbin's tone.

"Let's go somewhere we can talk."

He then drove them to Han River, where they sat side by side along the riverbank.

"I have something I want to confess, Seul. What I'm about to say is not something you would want to hear, but I want to be honest with you. And as my girlfriend, you are entitled to know."

"You're scaring me, Hanbin-ah. What happened?"

"I fell in love with someone else." He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye. "I'm sorry, Seul, for being unfaithful and for betraying your trust. You have every right to be angry and upset at me."

There was a long silence.

"Is it Dalie unnie?" He could hear her voice quiver.

He looked at her in shock. Had she been suspecting it all this time?

"The look on your face is telling me that I got it right." Iseul smiled bitterly.

"How... how did you know?"

"You barely meet girls outside of work. And if you piece bits and pieces together, like how you were acting unusually unfriendly towards her, it isn't that hard to guess." Iseul was using all her strength to squeeze out words that stabbed her heart. "Was it from the Sokcho trip?" She remembered how Iseo warned her, and she might have started regretting not listening to her sister.

"Yes and no. There's more to this. I'm going to tell you a story that may sound ridiculous to you, but bear with me." Hanbin stared into the distance.

So Hanbin started telling Iseul about how he and Dal had been dreaming about each other; how he never remembered his dreams, but Dal remembered every single one of them; also how he was attracted to Dal before he was aware of their connection; and how he fled as soon as he realised Dal's impact on him. He tried to be as open and honest as possible with his feelings.

Iseul quietly listened to Hanbin. She felt an intense fear of losing him for the first time because it always felt like he would be by her side, no matter what happened. Just through his words, she could feel the intensity of his feelings for Dal and the internal conflict he had been going through.

"Are you... going to break up with me?" She asked nervously.

"No, Iseul. You should be the one to decide what happens to us. I will stay if you can forgive me, and I won't let anyone get in the way of our relationship anymore. But if this is intolerable for you, we'll break up. You never deserved this treatment, so I'll respect your decision."

"The only thing that matters to me is that after everything that happened, you still choose to come back to me. You two have a deep connection that goes way back, but we've been by each other's side since we were babies, Hanbin. I can't let you go this easily."

"Iseul-ah..."

"I can pretend none of this ever happened."

"I'm so sorry, Seul" Hanbin pulled Iseul into his embrace.

"I'll wait until you're completely ready. Just don't leave me."

"Don't say that, Seul. I'm the one who was in the wrong."

And then it really was like nothing ever happened. At least to everyone, Hanbin and Iseul were still the sweet couple in love. Hanbin put in extra effort to go back to being Iseul's loving boyfriend and gave her his entire focus. He would go the extra mile to make sure that Iseul felt loved and secure. He consciously tried to suppress any thoughts related to Dal because one mere thought of her would overwhelm him with guilt.

Hanbin looked completely fine on the outside, and he probably tricked himself into thinking that he was fine too. But in fact, all of this was taking a toll on him.

.

It had been another month or two since Hanbin told Iseul everything, and they had also moved in together since then.

Hanbin, however, had been experiencing problems with sleep, and it seemed to be getting worse as time went on. At times, he would suffer from insomnia, and at times, he would find himself waking up in the middle of the night and unable to go back to sleep again.

This was one of those nights where he found himself wide awake in the middle of the night. He carefully pulled out his arm that was beneath Iseul's head and silently got out of bed to avoid waking up Iseul. He then went to the kitchen to warm up a cup of milk and took the cup of milk into his study, where he stood by the windowsill and stared out of the window.

The moon was round and bright that night. He spaced out while gazing at the moon, and a tear rolled down his face. Before he knew it, tears were falling at an uncontrollable rate.

And outside of the study, there stood Iseul, peeking through the door gap.

.

The next day at breakfast, Hanbin had his usual smile on his face even though his eyes were swollen, while Iseul pretended that she didn't know what happened. She felt like she had become a master of pretending; she had been pretending like everything was fine, pretending like she and Hanbin were still in love, and pretending like she was happy.

"Hanbin-ah" Iseul gently called out to her boyfriend.

"Yes?"

"Let's go on a trip. Anywhere. Just the two of us."

"Sure." Hanbin was slightly taken aback by Iseul's sudden suggestion, but he also had no reason to turn her down. He would give Iseul anything that she wanted, so he agreed with a smile.

Once again, Hanbin, who was known to be attentive, overlooked the sadness in Iseul's eyes.

.

Hi guys, so sorry for the long wait. I was on holiday in Korea for a week, but I'm finally back with an update!!