Chapter 4 - Sledding

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Eight days until Christmas. 

"Then you just kinda go down!" Caleb said, motioning with his hands towards the huge hill in front of us.

I looked from him towards the hill, terror written over my face as I pushed myself further and further into the scarf around my neck. I'm not sure about this.

This morning Ace, Caleb, and I got all bundled up and then headed towards the sledding slopes! This was the first time I've worn the real snow gear and I don't hate it. I'm wearing "long-johns" (basically pajamas that you are suppose to wear under your snow clothes — weird I know. With a sweatshirt on top and then my snow pants that are really like overalls. I put a fuzzy jacket over that and a scarf, beanie, and hat — and of course my boots. There was no chance I was going to freeze to death! 

In reality it was only a short walk from our house to get to this killer hill — one long and wide hill, and a short hill that was super super steep on the side of it. 

There are a couple people here, but very few with how large the hill is. Caleb said this is kinda like a local secret. It's a super good sledding hill but because it's a far drive and lots of hills on the drive to get to the spot not many people go there. I'm glad for that, though, because sledding with a bunch of people around is terrible! You're always running into people or getting ran into. 

I remember going sledding when I was younger, but only a little bit — my memories of my life in Massachusetts are very fuzzy, if there are any and most of them are bad memories because as I've learned before — you remember things better with an emotion tied to it and I guess my emotion is fear. 

But I do remember some good times — all of them shared with my big brother and later his best friend. One of them being that I remember sledding being fun and loving all things snow as a kid, but looking down at this hill I don't know why I ever thought this was fun. 

This is not fun, this is a death trap. 

Growing up I was always a scared kid. I was super scared and super shy all the time — the only person I ever wanted was my brother and I hid behind his legs all the time. I was scared due to growing up with my father and in the violent household I did, but I was also just naturally scared due to who I am. However, other than being afraid of the dark and the world in general I never had any major fears. No phobias. I wasn't afraid of lighting or thunder, or needles (though I don't like them), never heights or fast rides or anything. So I really don't understand why now I am suddenly super afraid of going sledding.

It's a death trap of a vehicle that has definitely never been tested for safety, and it's a death trap of a hill. Everyone says snow is super soft so you can never get hurt which is why sledding and skiing/snowboarding are a thing. But I beg to differ! Snow has a lot of ice in it and ice hurts. That's what I know my heart at least, watching movies and hearing my friends that go to Tahoe — a big skiing place in California — all the time. If I'm this scared of little old sledding that even babies can do I have no clue how I will snowboard or ski if that's one of our plans for this trip.  

"I'm not sure, Cal..." I say, looking back down the death trap that is a fun winter activity.

Once we got here my brothers thought that we would go down right away because why wouldn't you? That is what the trip is for. But I was very quick to explain to them that it was not that simple for me. Just seeing this huge hill and watching people go down on it has scared me even more. I don't even need to try it to say that I was scared. 

Of the few people here, lots of runs down the hill have happened since we've been standing here. Most of them the people or person on the sled goes down super fast and is laughing the entire way but wipes out at the bottom — or even a bunch half way down the slope — and they're fine. I notice that they're fine, but their falls look anything but fine. And I have seen a couple people complain that they hurt their tailbone which isn't nothing!

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