Lights Out - F1 Life

⭑Chapter 5 - Pre-Christmas Blues⭑

AUTHORS NOTE

Just warning you guys this chapter will have a lot of Grace's past in it which is sort of fucked with mentions of DV, abuse, divorce, cancer, death, and family problems. So I will flag it.

Massa, Italy - 23rd December 2022 - Grace's Apartment

Grace Jones POV

It is now two days away from Christmas. Normally Christmas is a happy day each year for most though it gets less exciting as you get older it should still be an exciting thing.

This time last year I was travelling back from the UK to New Zealand to spend Christmas with my family back home. It had been like three years since I had been home for Christmas the last time I think I was back home for the holidays was in my last year of high school. During the first year of Uni, I just made excuses and then after that, my family excused me from the Holiday making reasons up for other family members.

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It is safe to say that my family life has not been easy in any way shape or form. My dad was a dick. My whole childhood my mum and Dad always got into fights. Fights that always ended up with threats or my mum pinned up against a wall with a black eye. Though my dad always stopped if I walked into the room, being an only child if things got bad I would just walk into the room and act surprised and dad would stop and storm off. The next few weeks would be spent getting presents or going out for meals to make up for his actions and keep my mum and I at home. I knew it was wrong from a very young age, seeing my friend's parents interact compared to mine was crazy, but I think my mum just always gaslit herself. As I got older towards the end of high school and my time in New Zealand I started to suggest to Mum that we leave him and move out I mean I had a part-time job and could help out with money. But every time I would suggest this mum would go into a lecture about how dad just made mistakes and wasn't a bad person and that he cared for us. 

Looking back now I do have a little bit of regret in those first few years of being in England for leaving my mum with him, but every time I feel that I remember how she was the one who kept herself there. I really tried my best to get myself and her out of that situation, but she didn't want to leave no matter how much I tried so I had to leave for myself. Especially considering I myself was in an abusive and toxic relationship for like a year I do have a bit more understanding, but I was tied down with him. I didn't have the money to leave for myself and it wouldn't be near as often as it was with Dad and only when he was drunk. But I did leave, once I had enough money and a safe situation I left and cut all contact. My last few years of Christmases haven't been completely alone I mean I spent one with him and then last year back home with mum. 

A few months after I left for university in England I got a call from my mum. She was crying and told me that Dad got diagnosed with brain cancer, she told me the type and I googled it. She then asked me to come home to see him, and I made an excuse to stay, I knew Mum was stuck now but if I went home I would never come back to uni, it might be selfish but I don't regret it even now. After researching this type of cancer my father had I found that it causes behavioral problems when developed, part of me wondered if that was always the reason for dad's behavior but I don't and will never know which sucks but ignorance is bliss. My dad died at the start of 2021 meaning he was gone and I went back for his funeral and then back for Christmas at the end of that year.

Now Mum has started dating someone new, a guy who is like 20 years younger than her and who severely dislikes me because he has his own young kids and I am seen as a burden. I am old enough to know that I am not wanted back home for this Christmas. I have posted a card for my mum and others for other family members. But I will just stay here and have Christmas with me, myself, and I this year. I don't mind it but I sort of wish I had people with me, but the thought that in like 10 days I will be in England about to have a job interview to work my dream job in F1 is pulling me through.