Grudgingly Yours (An Arranged Marriage fic)

Part 11

Billy didn't know when it happened. Sometimes he thought it was instantaneous, like those cartoon images when someone got a brilliant idea and a light blub flashed on. Other times, it was the absolute opposite. A slow warmth that spread over him, a feeling that he never knew existed. The longing intensified over time, grew more potent with each interaction, escalating from lukewarm to a searing heat that took over him completely.

It was a complete mystery to him, but ultimately the how didn't matter. End result was the same - he was in love with you.

But he didn't want to be, he fought it with everything he had.

For so long his only goal was to destroy those who hurt Frank and him. He spent years obsessing over it, gathering as much info as possible so he could track down the fuckers. Because once they were dead, the nightmares would cease. He'd stop hearing Frank's struggling words while taking his last dying breath. The tortures, the beatings, the smell of burning skin – the horrific memories would end and he'd be the same soldier he was before they were captured. The chaos in his mind, the restlessness and insomnia – all of that fueled his drive for revenge.

And then you came along.

At first you were the thing he had to bear because his grandfather insisted. He needed the old man's money and connections to find the kidnappers and figured he'd make your life a living hell until you left him. Except you ended up being completely different than he'd expected. Not quiet, not meek, definitely not docile – all the qualities his grandfather wanted. Instead you were loud and bossy, and you didn't take shit. From him or Alistair. You fought back. You argued. And you definitely retaliated when things got dicey. You defended him when he'd been a complete ass to you, for no reason other than the fact you didn't like bullies. That's what Billy couldn't understand, how you could threaten to poison him one night and then defend him the next. You were a fucking enigma.

On the anniversary of Frank's death, when Billy had been at his absolute worst and no amount of alcohol or drugs could quiet the bloodcurdling memories in his mind, you offered him comfort. You held him, hugged him, cradled him to sleep – and it was the first night of rest he'd gotten in months. You did that for him, despite all the insults he hurled your way. You had compassion for him, and others, and a kind of strange empathy he simply didn't understand and it fascinated him. It was such a direct contrast to how you spoke when you were angry, how you proudly wore the label of golddigger, how you talked smack to Alistair. You were a complete bitch yet you were busting your butt trying to open a clinic for people who no one gave a shit about. He didn't get why. He didn't get you. And that curiosity drove his fixation for you, thoughts of you clouding his mind more and more. It wasn't until Curtis's wedding that he realized if he were to let you, you could make him abandon his quest for revenge. Seeing Maria there, knowing how easily he could forget his promise to Frank, it hit him like a ton of bricks the hold you had over him. He tried to deny it, to himself, to you, tried to ignore his growing feelings for you, to hate you, but he couldn't. Until Dinah came to the wedding with news about Frank's killers, and then he realized it was a sign from the universe he needed to refocus on what really mattered – justice for himself, for Frank. Making the murderers pay. There was no room for you in his mind or his heart. You didn't belong in his life. So he humiliated you, knowing that would make it easy for you to hate him before he took off for certain death. Even if there was a small chance he'd survive, he didn't want to be with someone who held so much fucking power over him.

Of course that turned out to be complete bullshit.

Instead of fading, his feelings intensified during the past two months. And they didn't distract him from his mission. No, the complete opposite. Having you in his mind helped him stay focused - there was no way he'd let his enemies live when they could get to him again. Or you. Fuck no. So he hunted them down meticulously and killed them all, wiping out all traces that could come back to haunt him.