See You in Hell

11

"How are things with Logan?"'
Her Mom's question that morning had caught Louise off guard. Linda called each day to check in and give them an update on Gloria. Her Grandmother was doing remarkably well, the doctor assured them, despite her conviction that she was at death's door.
Louise tried to keep her tone flat as she answered.
"Fine."
"Your father says he's been a huge help - thinks he's got real talent! And you know how picky he is with who he lets near the grill!"
"Yeah. How's Grandma?"

Louise could at least rely on this topic to draw her mother's attention away. When Linda got started talking about Gloria she could mostly zone out. Pepper in a few "uh huh" and "Oh mans" and her mom could go on griping about her own mother almost infinitely. While Linda droned on Louise's mind couldn't help but drift back to Logan.

Louise had bailed on her shift the morning after the storm. She'd told her dad she felt sick. He hadn't questioned it - Louise had never been one to call out. It wasn't exactly a lie. She'd had a writhing ache in her gut ever since she'd made a run for it. As soon as she'd reached the apartment she had gone straight to the bathroom. For a few moments she'd really thought she might puke. Standing over the sink, she'd splashed cold water on her face until the dizziness had passed, then turned on the shower and peeled off what was left of her clothes. Louise had felt like she needed to decontaminate herself. She could still smell hints of Logan's heady cologne on her skin.

In the shower she'd closed her eyes and let the cool water wash over her whole body, attempting to calm her racing mind. Over and over the events after the black out played on repeat in her head. Kissing Logan in the dark of the restaurant had been intoxicating and the shame of that was all consuming. Sleep barely came. At least the dark circles under her eyes had worked in her advantage, adding an extra layer of realism to her sick act the following morning. She couldn't face him.

Alone in the apartment Louise was safe from Logan, but she had nothing to distract her from her intrusive thoughts. She sat on the couch with her laptop open, staring blankly at the scene she'd told herself she would finish editing. The comforting drone of local daytime tv buzzing in the background.

What would she say when she saw him again? What would he say to her? It would be impossible to avoid interacting with each other in the restaurant. The cramped space between the kitchen and the counter did not afford privacy. Should she just pretend it never happened - act normal like nothing changed? Or was it better to address it head on? Was he expecting an explanation? An apology? A million questions churned in her head.

Logan wasn't on the schedule for the next two days. Back downstairs, the restaurant was the same as always. The only trace of the night in question was the hoodie she'd been wearing, or more accurately not wearing, when she made her escape. It was folded neatly under the counter. The sight of it flushed her with a fresh surge of gilt.

Was she sorry? This question was more difficult to answer. She was obviously ashamed she'd let it happen, but simultaneously there was a growing part of her that was regretful that she'd stopped it. She couldn't help wondering what would have happened if she hadn't.

Logan had always been attractive. She wished she could somehow unhear the time Gretchen, her Mother's lecherous best friend, had referred to him as "an Adonis". However, the cruelty he'd shown when they were in grade school had always eclipsed his good looks and made him almost repulsive to her. But now something had changed inside Louise.

It was sweet that he'd given her the tape and that he'd carried it around with him waiting for just the right moment. She couldn't help but be charmed that he'd watched all the movies she'd recommended in a bid to win her over. He was always doing little things for her around the restaurant too; running interference with the customers he knew she'd rather avoid and hauling the ice from the basement even if it wasn't technically his turn. It was endearing how he'd won the hearts of all the older regulars. He always chatted with Teddy, even when he droned on endlessly. Mort and Mike liked him too. He had a charm and charisma that was hard to ignore.

And what exactly was she supposed to do with these newly acknowledged feelings? Pushing them away for the last two months had ended in a heated make out session on a table. Every instinct was screaming at Louise to stamp out the little bubble of hope that had started to form inside her, whispering that there was something more to this than a hookup. Logan was not to be trusted, she knew this. She wouldn't bring it up if he didn't, she decided.

But despite herself, the hope and anticipation grew over the 48 hours of build up to their next encounter. She caught herself even agonizing about what she would wear. The hours of her last shift wore on excruciatingly slowly. It was the final stretch of the evening and the restaurant was nearly empty except for one booth occupied by Millie Frock and Chloe Barbash. Even Teddy was long gone. Louise checked the clock, nine thirty eight, the kitchen was long closed, but technically she couldn't kick them out until ten. There was no worse crime than being the last customers in the restaurant. Louise watched Millie shift the four remaining cold fries around on her plate. She painstakingly lifted one up to her revolting lips and took a tiny nibble. It was all Louise could do to keep herself from lunging over the counter at her. This was literal torture.

The best she could manage was to bring out the mop. She dragged the wringer pail out from the back as loudly as she could and banged it into the wall closest to their booth, before starting to swab the floor near them as violently as possible. But the repellent pair were too engrossed in their conversation to even glance up. The moronic exchange assaulted Louise's ears. Their vapid gossip droned on unendingly. It was so dull she could barely withstand her proximity, only the hope that they would eventually take the hint and leave kept her at her post loudly scrubbing. But then a thread of the conversation threw her off guard.

"They broke up."
"No way!"
"Logan dumped her."

Her heart skipped a beat.

"Oh my god! When did that happen?"
"Tuesday night - he ended it with a text!"
"Harsh."
"I know right. She's like, devastated."

Louise had completely stopped even pretending to mop at this point. She was transfixed by the conversation behind her. Logan had broken up with Jade the night of the storm. When? Was it after or before their kiss? The implications were overwhelming.

"Finally!"
"Yea. But don't get too excited. I saw him with Kate Keller yesterday night on the Wharf."
"Already? Wow. He moved on fast."
"They looked pretty cozy too."
"He's such a womanizer."
"I know right! Almost makes me feel bad for Jade."

The bubble of hope burst.

Louise couldn't stomach eavesdropping for another second. She made a hasty exit, grabbing the bus tub on her retreat to the kitchen. She slammed the dishes down in the sink, attacking them with the spray valve to drown out all conversation wafting in from the other room.

She felt like such a fool. She should have known better. She'd let herself walk right into the trap. Those stupid green bedroom eyes had lured her in. Logan had this infuriating way of making you feel special. The fact that she had actually thought, even for a second, that it could be something more left her disgusted with herself. She wasn't special. She was just another notch on his bedpost. At least she'd stopped it before.. a shudder of embarrassment coursed through her as she remembered her own hands eagerly tugging at his belt.