See You in Hell

20

The words had been hard, but she found her way through them somehow. When she had finished they were standing on the Wonderwarf dock. The day was winding down. It was a chilly night so the park was mostly deserted, only a few Merpeople remained, taking apart their parade floats. Green and silver confetti swirled dramatically around them in the wind.

"Yea, I guess I already knew." Ollie's face had been grave. "You like Logan right?" Louise hadn't said anything, but her silent shock was enough. Ollie had sighed, shaking his head. "I wish you'd told me."
"I know. I really messed up. I'm so sorry Ol." He had given a small nod and looked off across the water. The silence between them had been deafening then.

"Just please say we can still be friends." She had almost whispered it.
"I don't think so. Not right now at least." He'd dug his hands into his pockets. "You gotta give it some time. But.." She had seen the hint of a smile flicker across his face then. "If he hurts you, Andy and I will beat him up." She was relieved to hear him making a joke, but the comment had struck her with regret.
"That won't be necessary. If it makes you feel any better, I've already messed everything up." She had tried to keep her voice light as she said it, but the pain in her tone had been unmistakable.
"He rejected you?" Ollie had perked up at this.
"Not exactly..." She'd trailed off, the answer was so much more than she could put into words.
"Did you tell him how you feel?" She'd looked away, embarrassed. He'd rolled his eyes. "Louise, why are you so bad at this?"
"It's just, it's complicated ok!" Ollie had made a frustrated groan.
"It's not complicated! He likes you, you like him! Just fucking grow a pair and tell him! That's your problem Louise, you're never direct with your feelings - and it hurts people." She'd never seen Ollie get angry like. "I shouldn't be the one who has to help you with this." He'd shuffled his feet on the boardwalk, scattering confetti. "Just do me a favor and tell him, ok?" She knew he was right.

Now Louise was standing at the bottom of their entryway stairs. She'd been frozen staring at her front door for the last thirty minutes. Two days had passed since she'd left Logan at the hospital. He'd had his first shift back that afternoon. Gene had talked to him on the phone the day before. They'd assumed he would quit, or at least take some time away. But he'd convinced her brother that he was good to handle closing by himself.
"How did he sound?" Louise had pounced on Gene as soon as he'd hung up the phone. He shrugged.
"Normal."

Louise had tried to text Logan. She'd typed out 3 or 4 drafts in her notes, even copied one into Messages and hovered her thumb above the send button. But none of them had come out quite right. Her gut told her this was a conversation that needed to happen in person. She took a deep breath and finally stepped out onto the sidewalk.

Outside, it was already starting to get dark. The sun was setting earlier now that the summer was coming to an end. She wasn't totally sure how to get Logan's attention. She paced a few times back and forth in front of the window, before finally rapping gently on the glass. He looked up from his sweeping. She couldn't read his expression in the half dim restaurant. Her heart dropped when he came closer. He was smiling, but it wasn't the warm smile she'd come to know. This expression was the tolerant half smile she'd seen him use with difficult customers. The deadbolt clicked and he opened the door.

"Can I come in?" It was an awkward question, but she felt like she needed to ask for permission.
"Kitchen's already closed." His tone was light as he stepped aside for her to pass, but something about the quip felt distinctly cold. He went back to sweeping as soon as the door had shut behind her. Louise stood by the counter, feeling awkward and out of place.

"I wanted to see how you were doing."
"All good now." He didn't look up when he responded. Louise's eyes drifted to the collar of his shirt where the traces of the rash were now almost completely faded away.
"Good. I'm glad." The gentle swish of the broom filled the silence. "No long term effects, I hope?" She was stalling
"You don't need to worry that I'm gonna sue." His tone was icy. Louise's heart fell. She gathered all her remaining courage.
"I wanted to talk to you about the other day." He finally stopped his sweeping and turned towards her, a fed up expression on his face.
"Look, there's really no need. I got the message okay. Don't worry I'll stay out of your way."
"No, it's not that." She swallowed hard. "I think I owe you an apology. A couple of them actually." Logan was visibly shocked for a moment. She had his full attention now. She went on nervously.

"I shouldn't have just bailed like that."
"Which time?" His face revealed nothing.
"The night of the storm." She blushed. "But also at the hospital." Logan leaned on the broom, waiting for her to go on.
"I'm sorry. I just.. I didn't think you really cared." She trailed off.
"Because I'm just an asshole, right?"
"The next time I saw you, you were already with someone else!"
"You were already sending your boyfriend to ask me if I could cover your shifts."
"No, I didn't ask him to do that! We weren't even dating.. yet. I didn't even know that he'd asked you." Logan eyed her skeptically at this. "And then when I came to your house... What your mom said.. I thought maybe you were just trying to hook up." It was all spilling out in a jumble now. "I know. I shouldn't have called him. I just didn't know what else to do. I'm so sorry." How had everything gotten so profoundly messed up? She felt helpless and stupid standing in front of Logan, who was staring her down with a look of pure venom. The tears were starting again. Louise bit into the sides of her cheeks in an attempt to fight them back. But it was too late. She turned her face away from him. Too mortified to go on or retreat.

"Louise.."
Logan's voice had softened. She heard him put down the broom. He came to stand in front of her, but her shame burned too hot to look up. He rested a hand gently on her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry. Please don't cry." Louise's thoughts had turned inward. He led her over to a stool and sat down opposite her.

"I shouldn't have reacted like that at the hospital. Of course you needed to contact my family. You didn't do anything wrong." Louise wiped her eyes on her sleeve, trying vainly to collect herself enough to respond. Logan went on. "It's not your fault my parents are dysfunctional." He leaned in closer, catching her downturned eyes and trying his best to lighten her grave face with a warm smile. She tried her best to return it, but it was hard with the tears still running down her cheeks. Louise knew she needed to go on, but she wasn't sure how to.

"I saw the tape in your bag." She might as well get to the point. "I wasn't snooping, it's just... when I was looking for the EpiPen ..." She trailed off.
"Pretty corny right?" Now it was Logan's turn to be embarrassed.
"Why didn't you give it to me?" Louise's heart pounded, she couldn't tell from his face where his mind was. The pause between them was agonizing as she waited for his response.

"I thought about it. A lot of times actually. I've had that in my bag since the day after the storm. I just kept missing my opportunities."
"I wish you had." The words slipped out almost in a whisper. "You were right - about this summer. It was different. I did see a different side of you." She had conquered the tremor in her voice now. "I'm not good at emotional stuff. I really messed up a lot of things these last few months. With my friends, with family, and with you. But I'm trying to do better." She hadn't planned to say any of this, the words felt as if they were flowing forward from somewhere deep. "The truth is I think I've liked you since the beginning. You're thoughtful and caring. You charm everyone in the restaurant, which is annoying.. You take care of your family too. I just didn't want to admit it because I was so used to hating you." He was smiling so broadly now, his true grin. She couldn't help but return it, although her whole body was trembling after this surprise confession. She braced herself for how he would respond.

"One thing I was wrong about - I wanted you to see me as I am now." Logan's voice was full of regret. "But we had a history already. I'm ashamed of how I was. I haven't given you any reason to trust me so far." His eyes searched hers desperately, his face only inches away. "But if you give me one last chance, I think I can make things right. I think we could do things better this time."

A rush of euphoric adrenaline coursed through Louise. Her lips found his as she closed the gap between them. The kiss was gentle at first, then increasingly passionate as Logan drew her into himself, catching the back of her neck and waist. She let herself sink into him, her fingers clutching at his t-shirt, relinquishing fully to desire. But then suddenly he was pulling away. She was left breathless and confused as he held her at arm's length.

"I'm sorry, was that too much?" Her voice was small and dejected, unsure what she'd done wrong.
"No. I really want this, Louise, you have no idea.." His hands tightened around her waist. "I just need to take care of something first."
"Kate."
"I want to do it right this time." She nodded and started to pull away, but he drew her back in.
"You're still gonna be here when I get back? Not gonna change your mind again?" His tone was light and teasing, but his eyes searched her face more seriously.
"Yes." He kissed her again.