In Waves | ✔️

55 | human nature

From one sunset to another, I'm sitting on the shoreline with Nate. We've finished a lesson and I'm exhausted. The sky is different from Matt's yacht, cooler like the water has been. Soft pinks and grays. Almost like sunrise.

Nate skims his hand over the sand, digging up a piece of blue sea glass. "Still can't believe you wanted to come here on a Sunday. I thought weekends were a no-go for lessons."

"Just needed to get out of the house."

"That's not like you." He holds the glass to his eye, squinting to look at me. "Why so blue?"

I scrunch my nose. "I think there's something wrong with me."

He lowers his blue filter. "Why would you think that?"

"Because it's true. I think there's multiple things wrong with me, actually. I can't surf yet. There's one."

Nate smiles, flipping the glass between his fingers like he's doing a coin trick. "Remember your first lesson? You didn't even want to get in the water, and look at you now. Standing, riding—"

"Falling."

"Learning," he corrects. "Considering your... low athletic ability, you're on the right track. Patience, my young Padawan."

"Such a surf nerd."

He laughs, watching the glass. "So what else is wrong with you? The answer's nothing, but I'm curious about your illogical thought process."

I train my gaze on a woman jogging with her golden retriever. "Matt wants me to go to New York with him."

"New York?"

"Yeah, over winter break. For this charity gala thing."

"What's that got to do with something being wrong with you?"

I wasn't certain if I'd talk to Nate about this, but I've spoken to him about Matt before. He's spoken to me about Alex. Talking about our relationships to each other stopped being awkward a long time ago. Rachel's party is a distant memory at this point.

"This trip wouldn't just be a trip," I say, brushing sand off my wetsuit. "It's a big step, you know? He wants me to go all the way with him... to New York."

Nate blinks, the glass coming to a stop between his fingers. "Oh. Do you want to go all the way with him... to New York?"

I pick up a strand of damp hair and start a stress-braid. "I don't know. But I should. I mean, every girl in Oceanview would jump at the opportunity to go with him."

"Alex wouldn't," he says thoughtfully, cocking his head. "Or Clara, or any girl who isn't into preppy football players."

"Fine. Most girls," I sigh. "Most girls would jump, and I don't know why I'm not. The fact that I'm struggling means there's something wrong with me. It's not fair to him."

"Whoa, wait, you—" He stops, narrowing his eyes. "We're talking about sex, right?"

"Yes, Nathan."

"Just making sure," he counters. "And you should be sure, too. There's a reason you're struggling, Lia, but the reason isn't that there's something wrong with you."

"So what's the reason?"

He wavers, averting his eyes. "It might be as simple as you not being ready. There doesn't have to be some deep thing behind it. If you're not sure yet, then don't go. Just wait until you're sure."

"What if I'm never sure?"

"You will be." He looks at me again. "My first time was shitty, you know that. I wasn't sure, I couldn't be when I was so out of it. But with Alex, it hit me like a truck. When you've been unsure about something for a long time, clarity hits you so damn hard it's impossible to miss. I swear you'll know, Lia."