In Waves | ✔️

60 | hurt

[chapter trigger warning: assault]

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I let my cereal fall from my spoon and plop into the milk. Over and over. Scooping. Dropping. Scooping. Dropping. I didn't sleep a wink last night. If I did then I wouldn't be able to tell.

What happened with Nate is branded on my brain. Along with guilt and shame, and most of all—and most conflicting—want.

There isn't a trace of anything different in the kitchen. Derek must have swept the glass up. But ignoring this isn't an option. Sweeping it under the rug this time isn't an option.

Rob walks in first, followed by Nate and a quick thrill in my gut. We make eye contact for an everlasting second. The tension is oozing in the air, but he strolls right through it, helping himself to cereal like Rob is doing. 

He looks drawn. Did he not sleep either? Does he feel guilt and shame? Did he look my brother in the eye and act like everything is normal? Judging by Rob's complete calmness, yes he did.

I hear Rob talking. I don't know to who and I don't know what he's saying, because I'm focused on Nate standing in the very place he stood last night. Next to the island, where he had moved between my legs.

I watch him pull up a stool and drag his bowl over the surface he'd lifted me onto. His long fingers graze over it, palms pressing down for a lengthy moment. I can almost feel them pressing to my thighs. His lips on mine, his skin on mine. The ache in my chest is growing so fast I need to not look at him, so I stuff a spoon of cereal in my mouth and stare out the window.

"Morning." Derek's voice grabs my attention back. "Everyone sleep well?"

Rob speaks over mine and Nate's mumbling. "With the knowledge of this being the last day of waking up early? Like a damn baby. If it weren't for this break, I'd be on the verge of a fuckin' breakdown, I swear."

"Language," Mom snaps as she walks in.

She pours her coffee as usual, void of any knowing looks thrown my way. Derek hasn't told her. Yet. Maybe he thinks it was a dream. That the possibility of catching his darling stepdaughter cheating on her boyfriend is ludicrous. That his mind must have been playing tricks on him. He's carefully looking from me to Nate, getting a read between the lines. Nope, he knows it was real. 

After breakfast when Nate goes out front to wait for Rob, I'm stopped on my mission to talk to him.

"Lia. A word?" Derek gestures me into the living room, lowering his voice. "Have you and Matt broken up?"

I stare at my feet to hide my blood rush, giving my head a tense shake.

Derek sighs. "Listen, kiddo, I don't know what's going on with you and your friend... well, not friend, apparently... but I know this isn't like you. You're at a hard age, navigating feelings and all that. But at the end of the day, honesty is the best policy."

God, did he stay up all night reading a parenting blog?

"For all parties involved," he continues. "You have to be honest with yourself, too. Ending a relationship is something you'll likely do in life, and it seems like that's going to be sooner than you thought. But that responsibility is yours. The one you choose to end it with? That can only be your choice. And unfortunately no matter what, someone will get hurt. You can't avoid that."

He pats my arm and sends me on my way. Someone will get hurt. In actuality, can anyone walk out of this without getting hurt?

I check the time on my phone, my throat tightening when I see the happy picture of me and Matt on my lock screen. I cheated. I'm no better than my dad. No better than Alex. I cheated. The only difference? They didn't care about the people they cheated with.