Sturniolo Triplets One-Shots

the things you do, it was called yellow

Summary: Chris silently battles his depression. One day, he loses.
Tags: Depression, Suicide Attempt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Hopeful Ending, Canon Compliant
Disclaimer: There is a suicide attempt nearing the end. Stay safe.

***

Chris had never feigned faux happiness. He was always an energetic and enthusiastic person: joking with his friends to make them laugh, being the ray of sunshine for his brothers on days that they fought their own internal battles, helping his mom before she could even utter a word of suggestion. He made others happy, and so he was happy.

He doesn't remember when his days had turned from yellow to gray, or when his smiles became forced and put on. Maybe it was during the pandemic when he was trapped indoors with no outlet for movement; maybe it was when the YouTube channel with his triplet brothers started going viral and gaining traction; maybe it was the move from his friends and family to the big city of LA.

All Chris knows is that one day he was happy and care-free: fighting with Matt before giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek (one he had made a point to rub off repeatedly with the sleeve of his hoodie), laughing with his friends as they watched trash television and ate food that Chris knew he'd have to find the motivation to burn off, and bonding with Nick over conspiracy theories which always ended with an argument and fries being thrown.

And then one day, the world went bleak. His once cloudy thoughts seemed stagnant, his smile became for show, his jokes and laughter turned into a defense, a way to hide the darkness that haunted him behind once brightened eyes.

To his family and friends, he was the same Chris who was free from adversity and struggle, the same person they could all rely on if they needed a smile or laugh. Chris wouldn't change their perspective, wouldn't want them to think any differently. This was simply a blip, a mistake. He'd wake up again one day and finally see clearly without that haze that always seemed to follow him nowadays.

But eventually, days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned to a year. And Chris couldn't even remember when he was happy and not weighed down by an invisible force that tarnished all his everythings. He couldn't remember smiling because he felt like it and not to put on a show, or starting arguments with his brothers because it was funny to get a rise out of them, not now when it was to keep their curiosity and potential concern at bay.

He felt like a puppet. And Chris' strings were about to snap.

———

He watched as his brothers smiled and joked and engaged with each other while their camera rolled on the dash. He watched as they interacted without difficulty, without pretense. He watched as he sat there, his mouth and body moving, adding to the conversation and instigating his two older brothers. He watched as he felt himself recede, his mind fading before quickly coming back to the present; he couldn't succumb to the temptation he only let win over when alone.

Chris felt it had taken forever when Matt finally screamed into the camera, causing Chris to flinch. He was relieved and looked forward to returning to his bedroom where he could finally lay in bed and sleep. He usually was alright during car videos; in fact, they had always been his favorite, but today hadn't been a good day... and he didn't even know why.

"Chris!"

He jumped before shooting a scowl at his personal chauffeur. "What the fuck, Matt?" he snapped.

Matt rolled his eyes before switching the car from park to drive. "I've been trying to get your attention but you kept staring right past me," he explained.