Mad Seasons [Abandoned Story]

59. Never A Simple Matter

The first time Eddie shared Satan's Bed with me was after the band's Halloween concert that same year at the Greek Theater in Berkeley. It was fitting, but more importantly, after reworking some of the song's lyrics, all fully satisfied, he was finally able to let me listen to the demo the band had made. The sound, which wasn't quite the same as on Vitalogy, already sounded punchy, and thanks to the lyrics that did no favors to the critics. I was immediately thrilled when I heard it.

I don't know why, but then I remembered when Kurt came to greet Eddie backstage after the MTV Music Awards, congratulating him and taking the opportunity to introduce his not-yet-one-year-old daughter. Courtney Love had gone to fetch diapers from the caravan that had been made available to them, an unusual request is anti-star. Eddie briefly carried Francs Bean in his arms, as a big brother would have done, adorable as anything in her little white summer dress and blonde like her parents. The face of a little angel. I'd been introduced to what had been, until last year, his best frenemy. The feud between them was over and I found myself facing him, shaking his hand, intimidated.

 "Nice to meet you, then." he said with great casualness, almost like indifference when it was nothing of the sort.

"Even more so."

My answer made him smile very broadly before his daughter tried to touch the end of my hair insistently.

"That's the pink one. It's a wig I'm actually wearing."

"Didn't your wife pull it all off?" joked Eddie, which made Kurt laugh, adding that it had happened to him before.

Desperate to grab my hair, his daughter succeeded with more strength in leaning towards me, then pulling at the length. Although he calmly told her to stop and tried to free a strand of my hair from his hand, he was unable to succeed. She began to pull harder, Kurt joking again that his daughter had already inherited her mother's temperament. This little blond angel had strength, and to avoid going bald, I decided to give her a hug after asking her if I could. As a teenager, I had babysat to make a bit of money and this problem had happened to me. Babies are crazy about hair. So I took her in my arms, talking to her in a low voice, and then she let go of a few strands of my hair.

That's what I'd decided to do with Frances. And it had worked too, much to Kurt and Eddie's astonishment.

"When we need her babysat, we'll call on you. You're great with kids!"

 I smiled as I handed him back his daughter, who had become calm again, and then asked with her hands to come back into my arms. Kurt gave her back to me briefly while Eddie watched me holding the little angel again, still talking to her in a soft voice which made her smile, stammering.

"Give me your number, we'll hire you," he joked again.

While I was still holding Frances, Kurt looked at me and addressed Eddie.

"Wouldn't you be tempted?"

I nodded immediately as Eddie lowered his gaze before raising his head with a nervous smile.

"We've been going out for seven months. We're fast, but not that fast."

We laughed before Kurt took his daughter back, figuring Courtney was taking a while. She might have come back inside faster, but she was cornered by a presenter on MTV. She ended up telling him she couldn't answer any more questions, showing her daughter's spare diaper to the camera, adding that it was urgent. That was Courtney Love. It made me laugh when I saw it rerun on the network.

 On that point, we never talked too much about it, but we shared the same feeling. The idea of having a child never crossed our minds. Our relationship was lived day by day, and in our minds, the idea remained abstract. We were in love, we were having fun, what we shared was rich, it was enough and it suited us. Meeting Kurt Cobain made the '93 MTV Video Music Awards even more phenomenal than the 1992 ceremony. Kurt had then gone off in search of his wife, his daughter in his arms, to find out what she was doing. What a night it had been!