Through the Crowd - Espresseleine Story

Brutality

What am I doing?

I pull away from Madeleine.

No. This is horrible.

He's confused, and a little hurt, but I just feel like I can't be in here right now, with him. I take a cautious step back, considering my options for only a moment before rushing away through the crowd and towards the entranceway. I'm sorry.

I just need some fresh air, only for a moment. I can't leave, because the boat departs at two in the morning, but I can't stay. The only thing I can do is wait.

Wait for either this to blow over in a way that I'm able to somewhat comfortably talk to Madeleine again, or wait for 2:00. Both of those options feel awfully out of reach though.

I accidentally bump into someone. Looking up from how my head has been tilted down, which I only now realized. I make my away around the stranger, muttering an insincere 'sorry' as I pass them.

The entranceway is large and open, no real doors in it, making it a nice place to sit outside while still being able to listen to your surroundings. I reach it, fresh night air hitting me in the face as I descend a couple of the large pink steps leading up to the castle and move to the side. After briefly brushing off the area under me, I sit down.

I rest my elbows on my knees and head in my hands. What have I done? How could I have done that in the first place? I don't love him. I don't love anyone.

There's a slight, warm breeze that ruffles my hair, although not enough to make it messy. Love is nothing but a silly made-up concept of the mind that distracts me from my work. I try to convince myself.

The thick Hollyberrian jungle surrounding the castle chirps and shudders in the night, nocturnal birds hooting peacefully as everything else sleeps. The castle itself, in all it's greatness, is on a bare hill, overlooking even the tallest trees' canopies. Farther below, by seaside, is the market, ever bustling and bright with energy. It's so distant that you can't even hear the merchants promoting their produce above the quiet, thick jungle.

The sky is clear and dark, splattered with twinkling stars and a moon; full and bright enough to illuminate the very tops of the trees with it's dim blue light. I turn to face the inside of the castle, warm colours perfectly contrasting the cold outside. Cookies chatter and laugh, and the orchestra continues it's slow playing farther away.

If I really try to listen, I can hear some of the conversation coming from a couple of cookies behind me nearby, still standing in the doorway. One of them talks about how beautifully composed the song is, while the other seems to distantly agree.

I don't love him. I remind myself. I can't love him, it just doesn't work that way. I don't have to, if I can convince myself otherwise, although I sort of doubt I'll be able to.

He's a Paladin of the light, blindly following something that he could only have faith in- something that scientifically could make no sense. Not to mention the Upper City that he is completely ignorant to the true ways of. He may be 'good at heart', but it's only the actions that counts.

And he doesn't understand. Does he even know what would happen if the Knight Commander was ever seen with anybody from the Lower City? He could be fired from his position, he could be disgraced. The Upper City's council isn't exactly a perfectly merciful group of cookies, and I can't let myself do something like that to him. Even just being acquainted with me, it's only a matter of time before some rich bastard who has deficient skills in logical thinking comes along and attempts to spread a misjudged rumour about the situation. Unfortunately, it has actually happened before.