The Trials and Tribulations of Fizzarolli

My Guardian Fallen Angel

I don't remember much. The screams. The excruciating pain of that sword slicing my body. Stuff falling on top of me. Being trapped and surrounded by fire. I remember hearing everyone crying for help. I remember them... getting real quiet. One by one. I don't know how long I was stuck, but I remember it getting really cold all of a sudden. At first I thought that was, you know, me dying. But no. It was the fire going out. All the smoke was above me. So I could breathe. Not very good, but I could. I think that's when I was, like, fully awake. I guess that's why I remember him walking through the rubble and crap coming towards me. I saw his sad face look down at me. This pathetic mess stuck under metal beams and a fucking disco ball. A disco ball in a circus. Just...

The imp wiped away a few tears. 

I didn't know who this guy was, but I didn't have a choice. I had to trust him. I begged him to help me. He took all that off of me real careful. I remember I still couldn't move, and everything hurt. Then, I think, he put his hand on my head for a second. Nothing hurt anymore. He picked me up. He carried me out of that burned trash heap I used to call home, hugging me. Like he actually cared about a stupid little imp like me. He had these wings. And a halo. He couldn't have been an angel. They're not allowed down here 'til cleansing day. So, I guess he must've been a fallen angel. One of those royal types. I've heard sinners have a name for someone who helps them when they're in real trouble. A guardian angel. He was... he was like my guardian fallen angel. I think I passed out while he was carrying me. 'Cause the next thing I remember, I was in a hospital. I was hooked up to machines. Wires everywhere. A tube down my throat. And I was so fucking scared, 'cause I couldn't feel my arms or legs. Yeah. 'Cause I didn't have my arms or legs.

Fucking Blitzo. It's his fault it happened, you know. I don't care if he got hurt. He ran away. He left us all behind. He left his sis, his mom... me. Yeah, he got a bit burnt. But if he was a microwave casserole, I was a whole roast bird. Got my legs chopped off and wings plucked like one, alright. His mom? 

The imp shook his head. 

She was like a mother hen. Some asshole left her corpse in the oven and burned their fucking house down. And she got cremated. The Goetias might've done the killing, but it was Blitzo's fault they even bothered coming after us. He's the one who stole from 'em. Yeah, I hate the guys who did it. But I hate him more.

While I was hooked up and hanging there, I was terrified. I'm not afraid to admit I was crying like a baby. But you know how I got over that? I got mad. I started making plans. How I was gonna ruin Blitzo. That piece of shit. That's why I never worked with him again. That's why I'm famous and he's not! I've got my own cereal brand. I'm the host to the Prince of Lust at his fucking restaurant! They even make robots that look like me for people to fuck, that's how famous I am! Everyone's gonna remember me! No one's gonna remember him! He's gonna die alone!