no turning back

• nine •

gladys

"I can taste the exhaust coming out of those ears," Ben said. "What's going on up there?"

His voice jolted me out of my thoughts. I looked up from the pork chop I'd unknowingly been pushing around my plate.

Clearing my throat, I forced a smile at my uncle slash fake father. "Nothing. Just work drama."

He arched a wiry gray brow. "Does this have something to do with that girl you like?"

"Jesse?" I asked, frowning. "No. We're still friends."

Well, technically, a little bit of it did have to do with her. I was very tense wondering what Elijah was going to do to her. The thought of him touching someone else nauseated me.

More and more people were getting involved in my life and that spelled disaster. I should've just never been nice to Jesse. She would hate me, but it would've been better for her.

Pleasing other people to cure my loneliness wasn't worth the harm it would bring them. Jesse and Thomas would both be better off without me in their lives. I was like a fucking tumor, spreading my cancer to every person I contacted. That cut deep.

No matter how kind or helpful I tried to be, I still destroyed everything around me. Maybe that's why Elijah couldn't let go of me. We shared a mutually destructive, addictive energy. His was just by choice and mine seemed to be fate.

"You've been off since you two hung out," Ben said, muting my dismal thoughts. "Is everything okay? You know you can tell me, right? I know I'm hard on you, but it's just because I want to protect you."

My gaze fell to my lap. "I know," I said softly.

I realized he probably felt lonely from how distant I'd become. Wetting my lips, I looked back up at him and tried to force away the troubles lurking in my mind.

"How was work?" I asked. "Anything interesting happen?"

He snorted. "I got chased by a dog. Almost got bit, too, but then it reached the end of its chain."

"That sounds terrifying. I'm glad you're okay."

"Honey, I would take a German Shepherd's teeth over a bullet any day. If this is as bad as it gets, I'm doing alright."

I smiled but the gesture felt weak and I was certain he could see it. Our problems were much bigger than a dog, although I would honestly prefer my issues over getting bit by a dog.

Oh, you're going to get bit alright— right in the ass, my thoughts mocked me. Just by a different kind of animal.

"True," I mumbled.

"So, why aren't you eating?" Ben asked. "You usually clear that thing in two seconds. You haven't even tried my pork and it's fucking incredible."

I chuckled a bit, rolling my eyes. As I looked at my plate, I realized it was indeed untouched.

My appetite was almost always on full blast, hence why my curves were still so nicely padded. Tonight, though, I couldn't even force myself to consume one more bite.