no turning back

• eighteen •

elijah

The guilt never left me. Not in the shower, not while I barked orders into my phone, not even in the blissful emptiness of sleep.

My dreams were full of screams, tears, and sobbing. An incoherent collage of memories reproduced as live-time nightmares.

Flames from a burning house licked at my skin, singeing off the hair. The loud shatter of exploding glass ruptured my eardrums. Blood dripped from my hands, following me in a trail everywhere I went. Passersby pointed at me, their eyes wide and jaws open with horror.

I shot up in the bed, my body glistening in a cold sweat. A loud noise blared from my phone on the nightstand. Glancing down at Gladys' stirring face scrunched in irritation, I reached over to turn off the alarm.

Gladys turned over but her hand got pulled back by the cuff. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I expelled a breath and leaned down to touch the silky, almost translucent skin of her wrist. Bright blue veins could be seen just under the surface.

My fingers gravitated toward the red-ringed imprint on her skin from the cuff. I had imagined tying her to the bed for other reasons but never for this.

That sinking sensation overcame me again. The guilt.

I didn't want to make her my captive, but I couldn't trust her yet. Until she could admit to herself that she still loved me and wanted to be with me, I had to play things safely.

I refused to even imagine another day without her by my side. Too many had already come and gone and that was a special kind of hell.

"It's tomorrow now," grumbled a croaky voice. "That means you have to tell me all your secrets."

A smile stretched across my face. I hadn't smiled this much since our last day together. Hell, I probably hadn't had a single genuine smile the entire time we were apart.

"You know all my secrets," I spoke in a low voice.

My fingers sifted through her lustrous gold waves while I absorbed every detail of her scrunched face. I didn't think it was possible to be more obsessed with the little nymph than I already was.

Nevertheless, the sight of her pink lips, the freckles across her cheeks, and the expressive stretch of her thick dark brows stole more of my mind, body, and heart than before. Her presence was more enthralling and all-consuming than ever.

Under oath, I would have sworn she was a misguided angel from heaven. Cast down to earth to save me, the most depraved devil of all.

"That's a lie," Gladys muttered. "Liars get punished, Eli."

I chuckled. "Yes, baby. That's true. My lies cost me your presence. I've been punished every day for over three years."

"Dramatic."

She tried to roll over again but this time I pinned her shoulder to the bed and claimed her mouth with mine. Her free hand landed on my shoulder. Instead of pushing me away, as I expected, she pulled me closer.

After a moment of pillaging her mouth and caressing her sides, I pulled away. Her cheeks were as red as apples and the heat of her blush warmed my knuckles. I stroked her face with a small smile.

Meanwhile, she squirmed and looked anywhere but at me.

"I was still half-asleep," she huffed.

I chuckled, rolling away from her. "Sure you were."

"Where are you going?" she asked, panicked eyes flying to mine.

"Shower," I said, arching a brow. "Wanna join me?"