The Random Proses stored away.

A step of love

I woke up another day without telling you my admiration and love like a fool. I fear such truth will ail us both, that so much will fall apart.

As long as you're happy, I say. But it doesn't sit right with me that I see you enjoying the company of someone else. It's not fair, I'm just a friend. But this is also my fault, I set this up myself. I got bold; I gave him the confidence to confess to you. And truly, you did love him as well. Aren't I just the same as him? Aren't I better in any sense? He's horrible, his actions are horrible- I have experience, I have so much to offer. Will I just be the carpet for you two to step on when you two walk down the aisle? Well, I'd do it if it was for your sake.

Yet these are memories, and I have to accept them at some point.

Now, I burn those who dare to try to care for me as I am now fire. My memories are fuel, memories of you. As I watch them perish in the flames, I remain indifferent, in hopes of stopping myself from crying.

I found out so many things about myself during these years together, I wasn't brave enough so that's my fault. You showed me that even in my strong facade there's a moment of peace within me when I'm with you.

Your hands are so cold, mine are so warm. The contrasting elements don't match, but I love the feeling of such indifference.

Times when you screamed and berated me, I understood I did something wrong and deserved it. But will he though? I don't think you and him will last. We're kids with no experience, and you two aren't what I think match. Truth be told, I'm the only one with sincere experience with these things.

I was brave back then unlike now. Stepping into random relationships for the thrill of it, for the affection of it. And none of them lasting at all. Yet, it made me learn and it made me realize how complex people are. And how hard it is to truly understand someone from within.

But you're great as a friend, and I can see you're happy. So I'm happy, I'm very grateful a moment like this is yours. When I have the chance, I swear to myself I'll take it.

Laughing and smiling at your newfound hope, it's a human's nature to feel this joy for others. And I'd congratulate and be happy for you for as long as I can, and that would be forever.

I will be honest.

I never meant for this to happen. But It's probably for the best now because you seem content at the moment.

I will be honest.

I'm hurt, and I'm silently sulking after keeping this in for so long just to get snatched right away.

I will be honest.

I've daydreamed of sweet moments with you.

I will be honest.

Even if you think I have so many friends, I've always felt alone without you.