With and Without You

chapter 6

It's been about a month since Eddie and I started hanging out together again. Thing are like they were. Laughing, joking, and when we do have fights, they are stupid. Like over music or dnd. He's stayed over most nights. And while this is all wonderful, it has been hard. More and more, my feelings grow. I have fallen deeply in love with my best friend, and he has no idea. I try to hide it, but I'm unsure how long I can hold the facade. I don't want to scare him off. Even after all these years, that's my greatest fear. Losing him. If I die old, with having never married but having him as my friend, then I will die happy.

Steve and I worked tonight, so he drove me home.
"You wanna come in for a beer? Help relax for the night?" I ask.
"Sounds good." We walked inside, and I grabbed us each a bottle.
We sit on opposite ends of the couch, his feet up on the table. I throw off my shoes and throw my feet on him.
"So you've been spending a lot of time with Eddie." He takes a sip. "So much so you've almost been neglecting your other friends." He says, smiling.
"Has anyone ever told you, you whine like a girl?" I joke.
"But seriously, quite a bit."
"Yea. We picked up like the time apart was nothing." He widened his eyes with another sip. "Don't worry. I'm not forgetting about what happened." I say, sipping my beer.
"Well, I'm glad things are working out. But just know he does anything like that again. I will kick his ass." He says, causing me to spit out my beer.
"You've won one fight, and I sware it was pure luck. Course then, we got captured by Russians and drugged, so I think that kinda negates the win."
"Hey now."

We sat in silence for a bit while the radio played softly.
"Steve, can I ask you something?"
"Always."
"I kind of need a guys opinion."
"So, y/n needs my expertise."
"I wouldn't go that far."
"How do you deal with only being friends with Nancy?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Come on.....I've known you forever. I remember when you and Nancy were dating. How deep in love you were. That's how you still are. I can see it in your eyes. The way you look at her." He lightly taps his fingers on his bottle.
"Never could fool you."
"Not on these things. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy."
"It's hard, but as long as she's happy with Johnathan well, then.....I can live with that. After all, she called our relationship bullshit, last I remember."
"Yea, I remember that night. I hated seeing you hurt like that."
"You stayed up with me all night and even made me my favorite cookies.......why the question?" I look up at him, and he knows exactly why.
"Eddie? I knew you liked him, just never realized how much."
"Say that you liked me that way. How you like Nancy. After all these years, how close we are, would you want to take the chance and tell me? Even with me not feeling the same way, would you risk telling me and risk our friendship?"
"Firstly, very hard to even pretend that, sis." He says.
"That's a new one, bro....fits, I like it." I smirk. He smiles back.
"I wish I could give you a simple answer." He sits his beer down and gets up.
"The question you need to ask yourself, would you rather take the jump and see how he feels and possibly change the friendship, cause let's be honest, even if you told him and he doesn't feel the same he's not going anywhere.........or would you rather deal with the pain of never knowing? Who knows, maybe he's your 'true love' (He says in a goofy voice)." He stands up by the front door and smiles at me. I stand up.
"You know, sometimes you're more than just a pretty face."
"Aww.......... you think I'm pretty........come give me a hug so I can go home and pass out." I walk over and throw my arms around his middle, and he throws his around my back. He kisses the top of my head.
"Night, bro."
"I should have never said that."
"Oh, yea, I'm so using that as my new nickname for you."
"Better than Stevie at least." He walks out the door to his car.
"Hey, we still on for car shopping in the morning?" I yell.
"I'll be here." He says, stopping at the driver's door.
"I will have breakfast ready." I say.
"Don't forget the bacon this time!" He yells.
"Alright, alright. Night Stevie."
"You suck McCullin!"
I close the door and decide to head to bed, changing into an oversized tee and my underwear. I climb into bed and under my multiple blankets. It's not long before I doze off.