"y/n!" kai yelped, approaching me. i weakly fell stumbled back. more coughs erupted from me and stained my hands with more blood. kai rushed towards me and held me before i could collapse to the floor.
no.. i didn't want to reveal my condition to him... i didn't want him to know.. not like this, at least.
"come, let's wash your hands first." kai carefully walked me to the sink. his large arm was wrapped around me securely while i had let the water run and lather my bloody hands. my vision was shaky and i felt dizzy at the same time. he then brought me the couch and settled me down.
"can i enter your room to get you a towel?" he asked. i nodded, avoiding his gaze. kai soon disappeared, his footsteps fading away as he hurried up. anxiety started to grown within me as i nervously fiddled with my fingers. my foot uneasily tapped the ground repeatedly.
i have never coughed up this much blood before. i stared at my now clean palm. lord, is this a sign that death is gonna welcome me soon? i'm not ready to go just yet. my brows furrowed. i palmed my face, feeling tears starting to well up. it scared me now that i began coughing a lot of blood.
"y/n?" i looked up. kai descended from the stairs with a small towel in hand. concern was etched across his face. gently, he handed it to me, and i dabbed at my face, trying to regain composure. he sat beside me and let his hand interlock with mine. with a heavy sigh, i looked into kai's eyes, searching for the strength to share my truth. his gaze, filled with concern and empathy, gave me a sense of reassurance that i desperately needed at that moment.
"kai," i began, my voice shaky, "there's something i need to tell you. something i've been trying to keep to myself, but i can't hide it any longer." i took a deep breath, steadying my nerves. "i know you got a lot of questions like why i coughed up blood and what is wrong with me but—" i felt myself choke at my words.
my friend nodded, encouraging me to continue. his hand remained intertwined with mine, offering a silent support. this action of his made my heart skip a beat but the emotional feeling within me overwhelmed me.
"i... i have lung cancer," i confessed ever so silently, the words hanging in the air. kai's soft expression remained, though i could see bits of empathy in them. i pursed my lips and looked away. "i found out a few months ago," i continued, my voice softer now. "the doctors told me there's not much they can do. it's... it's terminal."
"i'm at my final stage."
silence enveloped us as i allowed the guy before me to process the information. i knew it was too much to swallow at once. i knew it was shocking and unbelievable. he must be in a position of denial or maybe not. wait... why should he even be in denial? i am the one in denial. i am the one suffering. i sighed and closed my eyes. his grip on my hand tightened. i looked down, unable to meet his gaze.
"i'm so sorry, y/n," he finally spoke, his voice a gentle whisper. "i had no idea you were going through this."
i mustered a weak smile, appreciating his sincerity. "i didn't want anyone here to know what i was going through actually. i didn't want you to worry. but i couldn't keep it from you any longer, especially now that i'm coughing up blood. i don't know what else to expect now."
kai pulled me into a comforting embrace, and i felt the warmth of his presence enveloping me. "you don't have to face this alone, y/n.. we will..." he paused, " we can figure this out together."
tears welled up in my eyes. i mockingly laughed, "there's nothing to figure out. i.. i will die in the end and we can do nothing... just nothing about it." my voice cracked.
kai stared at me. i bitterly smiled and sniffled. a tear had already rolled down my cheek as i blinked. kai wiped my tears and cupped my face. if only if we weren't in an angsty moment, my heart would've gone feral and i would've been as red as a tomato.
too bad. i can only cherish this moment instead. i closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch.
"y/n,"
"hm?" i weakly opened my eyes. kai's lip parted to say something but before he could, something started to ring loudly, breaking the silence between us. my eyes widened as i pushed myself up but kai resisted me.
"kai—" i yelped, "the cookies!"
"screw the cookies!"
"but they'll burn! at least turn it off so the house won't be caught in flames."
kai sighed as he rushed to the kitchen to turn the oven off. i watched him reappear again. he stood in front of me with pursed lips. his eyes avoided mine.
after a prolonged silence, he finally spoke, his voice a gentle murmur, "y/n, i... i already knew."
"what?" my eyes widened in surprise, meeting his gaze, searching for confirmation. kai looked away from my eyes in shame. ".. i already knew that you have lung cancer..."
".. i saw the letter in your room before," he continued, his words hanging in the air. "i didn't want to pry, but i couldn't ignore it. i just didn't know how to bring it up."
"i see..."
"but y/n," kai mumbled, his lips curling into a small smile. he bent down in front of me so we were at eye level now. his hands reached out to cup my face yet again. "i wanted to be here for you, y/n, even if i didn't know how to approach it," he confessed, his thumb gently caressing my cheek. "you don't have to face this alone."
butterflies began to swarm within me. i gratefully smiled, "thank you..."
"i gotta admit something else too..."
i raised my brow with confusion.
"you know your bucket list?" he asked to which i nodded, "i saw it and..." he trailed.
"and?" i repeated.
"i want to help you complete your bucket list."
