𝑹𝑰𝑺𝑲𝑭𝑼𝑳. // rinney

1. 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏

𝑭𝑰𝑵𝑵𝑬𝒀 𝑩𝑳𝑨𝑲𝑬 was draped out on his unmade bed, damp curls from his shower resting on his pillow. The old lamp with the dirty shade lit the room warmly, the stain only visible when the light shined through it. Finney stared through the ceiling, thoughts fogging his sense of where he was in his dark rainy bedroom.

Finney used to be able to make his bed in the morning, but the way he's been feeling lately has made that task difficult for him. The way he's been feeling recently has made almost everything difficult for him.

Finney always had a harder life compared to other people that surrounded him.

It was always his home life, or what was going on at school. But this month had been the hardest Finney's had.

Maybe it was the depression he usually got around this time of year. October was always rough, School would always be getting bad by now, and the weather shift never did any good for him.

Finney's birthday was next month too, which you'd think Finney would be excited for, but really, Finney never liked his birthday. Not for any particular reason. His family never really celebrated his birthday, so sometimes it was just a reminder of the shitty life he lived. He hated getting older, since it felt like he was wasting his life away, not doing what the other boys in his class were doing, like 'getting it on with girls' and how they are praised for that.

Finney thought maybe, just maybe, if he would just date a girl he would also get at least some of that validation from his peers, but deep down, he knew he wouldn't even if he did. Not that he wanted to get with a girl anyway.

He was well aware he wasn't into girls, clearly he would've been acting like the other boys in his classes if he was. Finney tried to convince himself he just wasn't 'mature' enough to be into girls, like he was some childish pre-pubescent boy, but he knew he wasn't, that excuse worked for him until he was about 13. He was 15 now.

Finney knew he was a 'queer', from the way he felt when he was close to his best friend, Robin. Even if it was just shoulder to shoulder when they would be sitting next to each other. Or when Robin would lean down to whisper something in Finney's ear, and he would feel his hot breath on his neck.

But now, Robin never had a girlfriend either. Which sort of shocked Finney a bit, considering his friend's smooth tanned skin, or the dark locks he had. Which Finney always admired, Finney fantasized about running his fingers through the healthy curls his friend had.

But Finney wasn't going to go tell Robin about any of what he's been thinking of, if he did, Robin would probably corner Finney, and not in the way Finney wanted. In fact, the thought of telling Robin crossed Finney's mind a lot, but always was brushed away almost immediately when he would remember how the disapproval from his classmates face would look, how the torment at school would get worse, or the feeling of his fathers belt hitting his skin.

Finney heard a light knock at his door, interrupting his thoughts, making him sit up and walk over to open up his door.

"Hey, Robin's on the phone for you." Gwen said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Shut up," Finney teased. Brushing past Gwen.

Terrance wasn't home. He was most likely out at that bar in that strip mall, Meaning Finney could roam his house outside of his bedroom freely. He headed over to the phone, picking it up before leaning on the kitchen counter beside him, listening to Robin talk at him from the other side.

"Hey Finn. Can you come over tonight, I need help with math." Robin asked. Finney hesitated, thinking about leaving Gwen home alone. He turned his head over to Gwen, she raised her hand and signaled him a thumbs up.