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"Stay,"
That was the first word Taylor said after it was over. After they'd lain there, breathing heavily, for what felt like eternity. After they'd gotten redressed and it looked like Mikah was headed for the bedroom door.
"Stay over, please. I can't- I don't want to be alone."
Mikah sits back down on the bed, placing her hand over Taylor's. "Of course. Was just going to get some water, I'll be right back."
"Okay," Taylor sighs, pulling her legs up, "I can lend you some sweats, if you want. Unless you sleep in jeans. Might have to kick you out if you sleep in jeans."
"That'd be great, thanks," Mikah smiles, getting up to go to the kitchen. Once she's out of sight, Taylor drops her head to her knees, trying and failing to take deep, full breaths.
"Pull yourself together," she mutters to herself, going over to the drawer and pulling out the least stained pair of sweatpants, laying them down on the opposite side of the bed before sitting back down.
"Hey, I'm back," Mikah says, "You okay?"
"Yeah, just tired, I'll live."
"You sure? You look a little pale," Taylor nods, "Alright, just..have some water, yeah?" Mikah hands her the cup she's holding. Taylor just holds it in her hands, using the chill of the glass to ground herself. Eventually setting it down on the bedside table and shrinking under the covers. She hears the light click off, feeling the bed shift as Mikah crawls next to her.
"Thanks for the pants, T," She murmurs into the dark.
"Of course," Taylor whispers, immediately feeling calmer when she feels Mikah's hand settle on her waist. "G'night."
"Night, sorry if my hands are cold."
Taylor does end up getting sleep, despite having laid there wide awake well after Mikah had fallen asleep.
It was anxiety that was keeping her up, not the adrenaline or oxytocin you'd expect after a night like this. Sure, those things were bubbling in the back of her mind, threatening to froth over every time Mikah's hand ran down her back, but the anxiousness was first and foremost.
Every thought, feeling, desire was conflicting. At the same time, she was thinking that maybe, this—a relationship with another woman—was all she ever needed, that it would fix her. But no, she doesn't swing that way, never has. She's a straight girl who just gets a little too drunk sometimes.
But, drunken actions are sober thoughts.
When she wakes, the bed is empty. She panics for a second, jumping to the conclusion that Mikah had left in the middle of the night, but a woman wouldn't do that. Well, she wouldn't, at least. She gives herself a moment to fully wake up before forcing herself out of bed and down to the living room, where she finds Mikah sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone and trying to balance a mug on her knee,
"Hey!" She says, looking up at Taylor, "Good morning! I made coffee, it's probably cold now, but it's there if you want some."
"Morning, thanks for the coffee," Taylor grabs a mug from the cupboard, "How'd you even find it? This is your first time in my house."
"All girls keep their coffee in the same place," Mikah shrugs, tossing her phone to the side, "How'd you sleep?"
"Fine, I was up for like an hour after you feel asleep, though," Taylor comes over to the couch, putting her arm on the back, inviting Mikah to curl in next to her.
"Yeah, I just passed out, sorry about that," Mikah laughs, "Coffee not too cold?"
"It's fine," Taylor murmurs, resting her cheek on Mikah's head, "What time is it?"
"Like 10:30, I got up around 10:00."
"Mmh, when do you have to leave?"
"I mean, I don't have to leave, but I should probably head home around noon," Mikah takes a sip of her coffee, shrugging, "It's not like my brother cares, though, when I texted him I was staying the night here he sent me a thumbs up emoji in response."
Taylor laughs, "My ex was like that, somehow I put up with his dry responses for six years."
"Jesus, I'd go insane after like a month,"
"I just got used to it, I guess, but it was one of the reasons I finally broke up with him, other than the fact he cheated on me."
Mikah immediately sits up, "Wait, he cheated? After six years?"
"Yep, it's not the only reason, but it was definitely one of them," Taylor sighs, leaning back onto Mikah, "Are you hungry?"
Mikah shakes her head, "I'm not much of a breakfast person, honestly."
"Same here."
The rest of the morning follows suit, gentle conversation, Taylor untangling herself and making toast, until, eventually Mikah has to leave.
"I'll see you soon, yeah?" She says, already halfway out the door.
"Yeah, definitely," Taylor nods. As soon as the door shuts, she realizes how flushed she is. She's got that giddy rush of a teenager after her first true date, the weight of what just happened not kicking in so, impulsively, she pulls out her phone and calls Blake, who she usually only calls in times of crisis these days—but again, she hadn't fully processed the last 18 hours.
"Hey, everything okay?" Blake asks as she picks up.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm great actually. I just had a date, actually. Well, an unofficial one, but it was really, really great."
"Oh yeah? Who's the guy?"
Taylor chokes on her own spit momentarily, "Yeah, well, they're, uh, well-" she takes a moment to collect her thoughts, "You remember that girl I was talking about? Mikah? Yeah, it was her"
"I thought it would be her! Just didn't want to assume," Blake says, "You're seriously into her, huh?"
"I guess," Taylor sighs, "She's so sweet, Blake. She was so patient with me last night, and brought me water after, and she stayed with me the whole night. And it wasn't awkward this morning like it usually is! She made herself coffee, Blake, it was like we'd known each other forever." She takes a breath, "But I just- I don't know. I still don't really think I'm in the right headspace for a relationship, let alone one like this."
"You should probably talk to her about this, T, or your therapist." Blake says, "I think this might be good for you, a relationship, that is."
"Yeah, I do, too, we'll just see what happens, I guess." Taylor shrugs, "Maybe she can finally be the one that fixes me."
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like five cans of worms are going to be opened soon so. look out i guess not proofread vote/comment/etc love youuu
