"I want to know why you do it."
"Why I do what." he asked, stripping off his overcoat.
He flung it over the back of the couch without much thought as he began unbuttoning his shirt.
"Why you always save me. Every time I'm in trouble you always come...
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Their conversation wouldn't stop repeating in my mind, it was on a constant loop. Playing over and over, the only reprieve being my mother's arrival. She hadn't even been aware that there was an attack until Mingi had gone to get her in the midst of it. I was thankful that he had thought to protect her. I still didn't know how many people were involved, beyond the one man who had come after me. San returned alone, Mingi and Hongjoong remained in Kriton to investigate. And while I knew how important it was to investigate, the selfish part of me wished they would come back to us quickly.
I wasn't ignorant about the amount of danger I seemed to be putting everyone in. Mingi, Hongjoong, and the others may be capable of defending themselves, but my mother and I were not. At least not enough to come out unscathed. They could've easily found my mom, killing her and me if that had been their intention. It made me realize how utterly helpless the two of us were.
Now in Merene, I was lying in bed beside my mother. I turned my head in her direction. The faint light of the moon filtering in through the fog that seemed to permanently lay over the land, illuminating her soft features deep in sleep.
I had insisted we stay together. Partially because I was afraid to let her out of my sight now but another, perhaps larger part of me, was afraid of being alone. Every time I closed my eyes the fear came back. The intruder, the attack, all the blood, and the pain were still fresh. Unconsciously, my hand went to my previously injured arm, a thin scar across my palm and forearm, being the only evidence that it wasn't just a dream. I was exhausted in every sense of the word, but I struggled to shut my brain off. Everything, including the conversation Yeosang and Yunho had earlier, raged in my mind's eye.
They were afraid of losing me. That much was obvious in the way Jongho held me a little tighter, the way Yunho's jaw clenched when Yeosang determined there was no other safe option, and the way even Seonghwa, in his beastly form, looked upon me with a heavy sadness, evident even in the lack of expression. I think I could relate to that feeling. I felt the same amount of panic and hopelessness when Yunho laid comatose when we had arrived in Kriton. The way my lungs froze up when Mingi told me he had been injured. I was sure my bondeds had felt a similar sort of panic. Maybe even worse.
I couldn't put them through something like that again. Especially since I knew what it was like in that situation. There was only one way I could almost guarantee I wouldn't, I needed to be able to handle myself. Not only for their sakes and even my mother's, but for my own. I refused to remain someone incapable of protecting myself. I was ashamed of how close I had been on giving up when my strength waned against my attacker. Thinking about it made me disgusted with myself. I wouldn't let myself come that close again. I'd make sure of it.
Carefully, I slipped out of bed. Double checking that I hadn't woken my mom. She stirred only slightly, turning to face the other direction with her back to me before settling once again. My bare feet were silent against the cold floors. The temperature seeping through my soles and up my legs. I shivered, noting how much colder Merene was in general. I quietly exited our shared bedroom, feeling a little better about leaving her alone in the room when I noticed the guard at the end of the hall. Yeosang had graciously doubled his guard upon our arrival.
