in every universe (nick and Charlie story

chapter 42

charlie pov:

is it weird to hear   Nick's name at form? or see him in coridors alone? yes it's weird  and i feeel bad for him he's all aone don't have friends etc and all i want is to go there amd hug him or kiss him and tell him a miss him so much it hurt, but i can't that's just showing that i'm weak and  thta he can get me easily again like the last time when we started dating we knew eachother for like a week or two and saw eachother a few times and then we kissed in my  bed room floor after i beat him at mario kart oh if i can go back to that moment there i got my first kiss and sometimes i hate that  he was my first kiss but other side of me is glad that e was my first kiss and first real realitionship  i could have  worst first realitionship  like maybe i could have a toxic realitionship with a guy that end up cheating on me with a girk and when i broke up with him he tried to get in touch with me and talk to me and i be a fool and go and talk to him it ends up him sexual assulting me (don't ask me how i got this idea once i had a dream about this and that guy wasn't nick) anyway okay guys here's a theory what i think about universes what  our dream is from ourselves (from other universe) and we see what there life is? like from there eyes? good theory  ain't it? when i was a kid i loved to make theorys like this  but what if it's true ? okay i need to stop watching sci-fi movies or reading books like this but  what if??

anyway let's go back to nick, I  miss  him soo much  and our   realitionship but when i think about it it was all just fake thing and that's it  nothing else  he just wannted to get with someone and when he learned that i'm gay he just said in his mind that "oh okay i can get with somone"  and then went for it okay i went for it too but i really liked him like i was so into him i really loved him and i wanted a future with but i can't have it anymore it's  going to be a  wish that i wanted  to happen with out a boy that  i loved (and still love) wanted a house with him childrens  wanted to build a life with him but.......it will never happen and i don't know if i want it to with someone else other then nick and i shouldn't feel like this  but it's just hard we just broked up a week ago and it still hurt i know broke ups hurt like hell okay it will hurt a while but like how long? i just to end this feeling or better i want to go back to september and just be with nick but it would be the same getting the date,nick snapping at me because i asked him about what his brother meant by what he said ,the beach and the girl ,  i started getting messages, months go by still getting messages, the party seeing the person who's sending the messages for the first time i didn't know about that, a month later nick learning about  the messages, us arguing, us breaking up.......... i don't know if  i could  relive all of that and i don't know that if i would start to date nick  again lik okay maybe i would like........okay i'm gonna be honnest there is a part of me that think that it was just a big lie like when i think  back when we had our first date harry seemed really pissed when he called over nick and nick was even more pissed maybe nick did something and harry wanted to give it back somehow and when he som the perfect opournity he done it? but then how did he got my number? like okay he know carter but carter know a lot of charlie he's a part of some  fucking club (don't ask me)  and he know a lot of people and carter is not like that i know him for years and he would never do this to a person, gave him there phone number etc.... carter is not like that  

anyway me and andrew talked about it and he said that just can't  imagine nick like that like he woun't do that to anyone but the things  what harry said........ ugh i don't know and all i want to do is just go over nick's house and just sat him down and just ask me to tell  the samething to my face and id it's true or not like i know that video and i saw it it was nick, same outfit   just stop lying l but..... i can't do it  or not can't do it i just i don't know if i'm ready to hear it from his mounth for him to tell me "yeah i date you for fun" i just can't oh and darcy is like really pissed at nick like everytime she saw ick she gave him her devil look and poor nick when he looks us and see darcy he immediatly walk away  okay i would do the saw thing  and i told the gang that if me and nick broke up they still can be friends like it's just betwen me and him but they said  okay i'm happy for that because i would littary be little disopointed in them