Rebound

To Start From The Beginning

August, 28

Me, Dani, and Yani have talked a lot for the second half of summer. I have friends now.

Yes, Dan lets me call him Dani now. They start school a little later, but the time they start school is earlier.

School starts today.

I'm fucking terrified.

I've been having all of these emotions course through my body ever since I got here. I saw the old playground I used to go to and cried. I have no idea why, though. I've only been gone for a year. There's no good side of anything when it comes to school. Actually, now that I think about it, at least I'm a straight-A student, and the teachers like me. I can say hi to my teachers, and I'll have them again.

That's something to be excited about.

Okay, let's make it through today for my teachers! Dani and Yani too. They called me the day before and asked if I was ready for school. They noticed my voice cracking when I replied. It was absolutely embarrassing, and I felt like a baby after. I was crying before they called me too.

Mom was super worried for me. She noticed my dull mood and took me out for coffee. She offered a ride to school, but I said no, and I just needed to walk it all off to make me feel better. It kind of helped. I got distracted, found this open field of grass, and sat in the middle of it for a few minutes. Seeing other kids walking, then remembered I had to go to school. I already felt like there were eyes on me on the way. I hunched my back thinking it would hide me. Most of the kids I've never seen before, so it's okay, I guess. Not encountering the entrance, though. I saw the.. groups. Druggies by the gym exit, freshman looking around wondering why people were just standing around and where to go, trackers running around in groups without a shirt on. Open grass in front of the windows, I was very tempted to stand in it and breathe. My heart rate was already increasing. On my online schedule, my first teacher was one of my favorites. The plan was to go to class early so I could properly greet her. She'll be happy to see me. I already lost time when I stopped to meditate, I needed to move swiftly, and quickly. I thought maybe if I felt invisible I'd look invisible. Entering through those screened doors, I felt a very bitter taste in my mouth. I forgot how unwelcoming the entrance was. Once you walked through those doors, you were presented with a very large and stretched straight hallway. The school sports kids were the ones to stand along the lockers of the hallway. The very noticeable and loud group of boys in the same hoodies.. the football kids, talking to their guy friends and girlfriends(mostly consisting of cheerleaders). Gross for me to look at.

It didn't take long for one of them to notice.

"Hey, is that Hoe-tis Prostitution?!"

Doesn't even sound like Otis Preston.

That's a new one.

A third of the scattered kids turned to my direction, half of the soccer kids turned to my direction, and the entire football team faced my direction.

I want to commit defenestration.

It was still only half of the hallway. It made sense, only half of the school would remember me. Upcoming freshmen don't know me, and the sophomores don't know me because I wasn't here last year, only the juniors and seniors. But anyways, this is humiliating. Fight, flight, or freeze?

Freeze, activated.

There was laughter, and then there was yelling.

The faster I make it by them the sooner it lasts.

I tried to ignore, and kept forward, not even looking at them.

I hadn't even thought about him.

But of course his name was brought up.