Rebound

To Reach For Him Again

October 1st

Happy spooky season!

I've been wondering what I want to wear this Halloween. Should I even dress up? I didn't last Halloween because I usually match outfits. I had nobody to match with but my mother but she was already matching with one of her boyfriends. Which reminds me actually, she's still with Felix. Super surprised. Longest relationship she's been in, turns out she's not like her sister. Good job, mom!

(I'm joking, mom. You were never like aunt.)

October 10th

Hector's not playing. He's even got the freshman and sophomores making fun of me now. They don't even know me! The balls for these little pipsqueaks to have to be making fun of a senior. I hate it, I hate it so much. I'm gonna grab the next one that looks at me wrong and throw them against a locker.

He also still thinks I have no friends which means Austyn hadn't said a word about Dani and Yani, interesting.

After school, in the back. Meditation and reading in the school field makes me feel so refreshed. Not much people here on Wednesdays too, it's absolutely perfect. My eyes were closed, I would take a long breath in, pause, and then breathe out through my chest, and then through my stomach. My favorite breath. I was calm, collective, reassured.

Until Austyn.

Why do you do this to me?

I felt a shadow over me, and peeked an eye open. I spoke up this time, with no one around.

"Why must you approach me only to distract me?"

"I don't- well, you're always busy." Austyn replies.

I close my eyes again. I don't want this ruined, and I don't want to be bothered. Not unless Austyn is going to say something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry for leaving you and I can't live without you, please come back to me. I deserve death for leaving you."

"Otis.." He says, but when I wait for him to speak he says nothing more.

I opened my eyes once again to face him. My breath was no longer even, and then breathing techniques weren't working. I was no longer focused. I had to ask. "Uh, Austyn.. why are you here? Why did you approach me..?" I said, almost stuttering over my words. If I had I would have gotten up and left out of embarrassment.

"I don't really know." He replies. "I just-.." He looks around, then back at me. "Felt like I needed to?"

"And do what?"

"I don't know."

That honestly just irritates me.

"You think after all you've done you can just disturb me because you feel like it and expect that I won't care?" I ask, out of the blue, sounding more rude then I meant it to come out.

See, this is a problem.

Even if Austyn wanted to say sorry he wouldn't be able to.

Because I express my feelings on paper.

And Austyn expresses his through touch.

"Do you care..?" Austyn asks, almost hesitant."

Duh!

"Well, do you hate me? Is what I meant."

I'm quiet, because my answer is obvious. Because it is obvious, I am ashamed of it. I'm waiting for him to walk off to assume yes, but he doesn't. He just stands there, and waits.

"No." I reply, giving in. "But I want to."

"Okay.. here." He gives me a paper folded in fourths. "Don't look at it now, look at it later." He says, as I hesitantly take the piece of paper and he takes that as his leave, turning around and trailing off as he keeps both hands in his pockets.