A Sealed Warrioress' Diary

Pick Me

Dear Jesus,

I wasn't supposed to be nervous about the patient that would be assigned to me as my charge for the entire semester, but I was very sweaty-palmed when it was the day for us to receive our list.

It was the Thursday after Lori did a beautiful display of her angelism. Okay, so, I was quite disappointed that ever since that day, there were no more flamboyant shows or anything from her. In fact, she refrained from interacting alone with me. I suspect it was to give me time to digest everything and also to turn my gaze to You, Lord.

Thankfully, I was very intentional about my times of devotion with You. They've been quite amazing lately. I enjoy the moments away from the world's probing eyes when it's just you and me and I get to be as real with you as I can be.

Quick side note: Lord, there's this thing about first passion, first love, that I used to struggle with. I mean, how does one manage a love relationship with You, this Almighty and invisible being that has given so much already and receives so little?

I remember the times when it felt as though you were so far away. Especially those days when my spiritual sight ceased. Those days were always so bland and a little terrifying.
Is it normal to have those seasons of divine silence? If yes, then Jesus, I don't want to experience them anymore. I want to be forever glued to you at the hip.
I get that maybe sometimes you want to teach us the lesson of depending on you even when we don't feel anything, but I've seen so many believers struggle with this, sometimes because of some hidden sin or even for no obvious reason at all, that it gets me worried. What can the body of Christ do at these moments, Lord, to help our hurting brethren?

Back in the school setting, I was prepared for anything and always extra careful when I was interacting with my mates, because who knew what means the enemy would use to launch an attack against me? I have been extra conscious, thanks to the Holy Spirit and the amazing inner banter we sometimes have, to wear my armour of love whenever I am talking to my colleagues.

Have I even talked about Lori's namesake? Yeah, there's this girl named Lori in my class. She was friends with Phoebe and Shelly and was even part of the people that I followed to the Tower of Babel that fateful day last year. I should talk to Gloria about her.

For convenience's sake, I will just call her together with her surname: Lori Simons. All I know about her is that she is frightened of heights. Sometimes when our class is to be held in a lecture hall where there are lots of steep stairs, she would clutch so tightly to the railing you would pity the poor metal. Sometimes, in the last semester, she would hold on to Phoebe's arm and half close her eyes, her face pale as they slowly ascended or descended the stairs. She would only be able to breathe properly once they'd steered clear of the stairs some distance away.
Many people used to tease her for her phobia. It was a good thing every uni student here was level-headed and there was no serious case of direct bullying, if not, I fear they would have used this against her.

The reason I'm bringing her up is because of her general disposition lately. I've been sensing a thick cloud of heaviness about her. I tried to talk to Phoebe and Shelly about her, but they said she's been avoiding them ever since resumption. I think that girl needs urgent saving but I don't know how I'm supposed to approach her. So I have added her to my intercession list.

That reminds me. I don't know if it's wisdom, but I've been taking that locket everywhere with me. After Lori (Gloria) handed it over to me, I took out time to clean it as best as I could though some segments were already rusting. Anytime my hand brushes the metal chain-I think the high chances are that it was once high-quality gold-my mind would go to my real father whose name and face are still foreign to me, and I would pray for him.