Though You slay me, yet I will trust You

Where it Began

    A non denominational church is where I spent many years of my life. It shaped me in my most formative period of life. Darkness had seeped into the cracks of its foundation and no degree of alarm others or myself raised could stop it. Dangerous doctrine had crept into the church and the pastor laid down and filled his belly with it rather than taking a stand on biblical truth. Maybe he had become so influenced by outside forces that he honestly believed what he was being fed, or maybe he simply took the path of least resistance. I had to leave. The anguish and misery I felt in staying outweighed what I would feel by starting anew, so I left.
  Picking up the ruins of my life, I felt deeply estranged. Where was I to go? I had built my life and my personality around this church. Over ten years of my existence was spent here. Who was I? I didn't know the answer to these questions, I just knew I desperately needed healing connection. I was desperate to find it. This is where it began.
    I walked into this church that was built like an office. Pale brown tin covered the outside of the building and blank white walls decorated the interior. It was stale, but the people weren't. I didn't know anything about what the people there believed. I almost didn't stay, and I wouldn't have if I hadn't met such a friendly individual. My despondency was relieved by this fiery headed guy, and though his attendance there was short lived, the little bit of light he shined into my life was enough to open my heart again. Going there wasn't necessarily a breath of fresh air either. My disagreements and frustrations were many, and they were often inflamed by members there. In my willful naivety, I chose to believe we could fellowship together despite our vastly different theologies. Why I did this, I can only reminisce on the instant familiarity offered there and the family like bond they shared. It kept me there. It was difficult, but I felt like I had found true connection. My past told me that my faults were unloveable and intolerable by the church. This place made me feel like maybe it wasn't true.
   In this church, with these people, I experienced the most conflict out of anywhere I had been, but at the same time, I was the happiest that I had ever felt. Really and truly! If my soul had a reflection, it would've been of sunlight, joy, and laughter.