red // hwang hyunjin ✔️

chapter four

bittersweet never hurt so bad

"i guess i just don't understand why you didn't tell me." you start, unable to look him in the eyes any longer.

"they told me i couldn't i just didn't want to risk it..." a pathetic excuse, he knows. he knew you wouldn't tell anyone else had he told you. but he was a coward. he didn't want to come to terms with the end of your relationship.

"i mean, of course i'm happy for you. this is what you wanted. it's what we wanted..." you try to congratulate him, but it was proving to be harder than you could have ever imagined.

"you know i love you." he states, grabbing your hand from your lap. you didn't have the energy to pull away.

"hyunjin... don't..." you plead.

"no. i have to say this now. cause i can't promise ill be able to tell you later..." he trails off, squeezing your hand, trying to get you to look at him. when that didn't work, he grabbed your face in his hand, wiping away a few tears before he spoke again. "i love you."

"hyunjin-"

"and i'll never stop loving you. not until it snows on a hot summers day, not until the earth stops spinning, not until all of the salt is removed from the oceans." he lists impossible things, trying his best to convince you that his love for you will never die.

"i... i love you too..." you couldn't help but cry harder.

"keep auditioning, keep chasing your dreams. i'm rooting for you even if you can't see it. but..." he stops. knowing the moment he says it, it becomes real.

"it's okay... you can say it..." you encourage, voice shaky as you squeeze his hand. you knew this was coming, and in hindsight, you should have prepared more. but ignorance is bliss.

"i have to let you go..." he whispers, voice so low as if he didn't want to hear it himself.

"i know..." hyunjin leans forward, pressing his forehead against yours, as if he was trying to read all your thoughts, and fill your brain with all of his thoughts.

"i want to promise you something..." he starts.

"no. no don't do that. things change, hyunjin..." you wave him off, knowing what he was about to say.

"things do change. but my love for you won't. it never will. so... darling, i promise you, i will come back to you." he says, voice laced with so much determination you almost believed him.

"you don't know that..." you shake your head.

"i don't know how long it'll take. but i will. i'll come back to you, and we'll pick up right where we left off. we're going to be okay, you hear me?" he grabs your face in his hands, his eyes laced with passion.

"okay..." you whisper. of course, you didn't believe him, but you let him think you did. if that's what he needed to let you go with a clear conscience, you would give it to him. you notice how his eyes dart down to his phone, checking the time with a slight panicked expression.

"i... fuck..." he cries, pulling you into a tight hug. you wrap your arms around him, burying yourself in his neck.

"it's okay, hyunjin. you can go." you assure him, wetting his neck with your tears as you cried even more.

"i just... i need more time... i'm not ready." he shakes his head, hugging you even tighter.

"y-yes you are... you put all of your blood sweat and tears into this. this is what you want. don't let me get in the way of that." you coax him, though your words were breaking your own heart

"wait for me, darling..." he whispers, pulling away from the hug to place a deep kiss on your lips. his hand stroking your hair as his lips molded perfectly with yours. tongue swiping along your bottom lip before he pulled it between his teeth, pulling away centimeter, by centimeter until your lip left his teeth. "wait for me." he repeats.

"i will." you nod, looking up into his watery eyes. frowning when he anxiously checks his phone again. "go. i'll... i'll see you later." you pull away from him, nodding encouragingly. he sniffles, wiping the tears off of his cheeks before he nods.

"later... i'll see you later." he confirms, standing from the couch, turning his back from you. you watch as he heads to the door, hand on the doorknob as he pauses. some selfish part of you wanted him to turn around, tackle you into the couch and kiss away all of your doubt. but the other half, the real half, wanted him to walk out that door, and never look back.

he worked hard to get here, this was his dream. and you'd be damned if you got in the way of that. you could live your life happily as long as he was happy. and you knew he would be.

with one final breath, he pulled open the door, stepping out and letting it shut behind him. you couldn't help but sob immediately after. it was over.

hyunjin heard you from the other side of the door. he wanted to run back inside and tell you it was all going to be okay, but he couldn't. because it wasn't going to be okay. he was leaving. and who knows when he would come back. he certainly didn't know when he would have any time at all. he knew all of his free time would go to training and getting to know the members. and for the most part, he was okay with that.

he just hated how he had to leave you behind. but one small price to pay for the life he always wanted. he knew he was just going to have to get over it.

and he would get over it.

and you would too.