DOCTOR WHO: The Odd Life of Nova Sue--PART 2: Discovering

Chapter 8: Whatever the Cost

Sydney and the Doctor plan how to face Nova, but in the end they both know that, should worse come to worse, one of them will have to pull the trigger.

A/N: WARNING: major character death(s).

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After a several-minute-long strategy session, the Doctor uses his psychic link with his criminally insane daughter to find her location in Space-Time using the TARDIS's telepathic circuits. At the same time, I prepare a big speech in my head (a similar one as the one I gave to my 'fear' self in Victorian London) that I hope would—properly this time—change her ways. It's frightening that I have to face her again, but what makes the situation more frightening is the fact that this time I'm not dealing with another 'fear' projection; this time she's the real deal, which makes her a gazillion times more deadly. That being said, I'm not sure whether or not I will survive this time. The only reason why I survived last time in Victorian London was because that version of me that I fought was much weaker than the version I'm dealing with here, which was incredibly lucky then. The fact that this version of me is much stronger than the former one I fought means that it will be an even bigger challenge to defeat her. Plus, she has an army to back her up this time around, while the Doctor and I only have each other, so the odds of us surviving this battle are slim to none.

What would happen if I do die in this world? Would that legitimately be the end for me, not just as 'Sydney Marie Elise' but also as 'Nova Susan Song'; in other words, if I die in this world, would I die in my world as well? Or will I simply wake up back in my world, back into the life that is rightfully mine, and I get to walk away alive and unscathed (physically at least)? Once I go back to my world, and depending on what happens when we get to wherever and whenever we're going, what will happen to Nova in this world? Once we finally get through to her—if we finally get through to her—would she finally accept the Doctor's apology and see him as her true father again? Will they learn to trust each other again and begin traveling together, like she was always destined to do once I'm gone?

Or will she remain a psychopath and an enemy to her family for the rest of her days? How much stronger will she get, the longer she remains loyal to the Silence? How much farther will she be willing to go before anyone can stop her? What if she can't be stopped? What if she'll never be stopped?

All of these questions whiz through my head, one after the other, as I stare nervously at my mother's gun lying on the chair as if taunting me to use it again. I originally volunteered to do most of the shooting while the Doctor did most of the talking, but now I am having second thoughts after thinking nonstop since the 'abandoned factory' incident when I involuntarily used the gun on my mother and killed her in the process, and I'm afraid that I'll end up doing the exact same thing to the Doctor if I wielded it again.

I am also surprised that the Doctor chose to keep her gun even after her death, despite being against any kind of weaponry. Perhaps he'd chosen to keep it around because he imagined his wife to still be around in spirit as long as he kept her gun nearby; in other words, whenever he held the gun or simply stood close to it, he would imagine physically standing close to River, and he refused to let it go, which would result in letting her go as well. Of course, now, River's gun is the only thing the Doctor has left of her, so it makes perfect sense that he would insist on keeping her gun around.

Then again, maybe the Doctor plans to use River's gun to get back at the Silence for using her own gun on her in the same way; in which case, I don't know what to feel about it. Sure, I want to see the Silence pay for everything they've done as much as he does, but I just can't imagine seeing the Doctor—my father—physically do it. Sure, he slaughtered billions to end the Time War, and thankfully I wasn't there to see it happen; but this time I will be there by his side, and I don't know how I'm going to feel once I see him slaughter the entire Silence organization, including Nova, in the exact same way he destroyed Gallifrey—that is, if this is what he's truly planning. Would he really be willing to wipe out the entire organization, including his own daughter?