La Rosa Gialla

Chapter 4

Summer 2016

There was a strange tension in the air between me and Charles. And it must have been really obvious, because even my otherwise completely ignorant brother recognized that something was going on, and after two days of Charles and me just passing each other quietly, he took me aside. "Do you want to tell me something?" Luca hit on me in the privacy of my room. "What should it be about?" I asked, sitting on the bed.

"What happened between you and Charles?"

"Nothing happened. I don't know why he's acting weird."

"You're both acting weird."

"Since when are you such a keen observer?"

"Since you two act like you don't even know each other."

I sighed. "He's been acting weird since that night at the beach."

"You mean since the night you kissed Damiano?"

"I didn't kiss him! He kissed me."

"That's probably not a very important detail, is it?"

"I don't see what that has to do with anything anyway."

"Seriously?" Luca raised one eyebrow. "Really, Adri? Do you really not see this?"

"Can you stop it? I already said I don't understand."

"You teenagers are so stupid..." He shook his head dramatically and turned to leave.

"You're only a year older than me!" I yelled after him and got up to slam the door. Of course, I thought that maybe, just maybe, Charles was jealous when another boy kissed me. Of course, it occurred to me that maybe, really just maybe, he also feels that flutter in the pit of his stomach every time we touch each other. But how should I deal with it? I never even had a boyfriend. I never felt anything towards anyone. Apparently, since I was eleven, all I wanted was that stupid Monegasque.

"Charlie?" I addressed him before knocking on his room door again. "Charlie!" I tried louder and looked inside through a small crack. He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, with his headphones stuffed deep into his ears. I walked over to him and tried to move into his line of sight. Noticing me, he pulled the headphones from his ears and straightened up. "How long have you been standing here?" he asked fearfully. "I just got here," I said truthfully and looked at the seat next to him. He followed my gaze and nodded for me to sit down. "I thought we should talk," I began.

"What would you like to talk about?"

"Maybe about why things are so weird between us right now."

"Weird? I just thought I was getting on your nerves," he laughed, but I didn't believe him one bit.

"Luca mentioned something about you acting strange since that night on the beach. So I wondered if it had something to do with Damiano. If that kiss hurt you somehow," I started before I could think about it and stop myself.

Charles swallowed loudly and then shook his head, "No, definitely not. Why should it?"

I decided to step on thin ice: "I wondered if you like me."

"Adri! No. Of course not. We are friends!" he screamed so fast I almost didn't have time to feel hurt. But only almost.

"Okay," I blurted out. "That's great. I'm glad we talked about it. So..." I stood up and held out my hand to him. "Friends?"

"Friends," he smiled and squeezed my hand. And I felt that familiar electricity again.

From that moment on, I tried to suppress all my feelings even more intensely than before. I didn't look at him as he climbed all covered in droplets of water out of the pool. I didn't look at his ass as he bent down to get the towel from the floor. And I didn't even look at him when he ran from the bathroom to his room with only a towel around his waist. I didn't look, but I wanted to. A lot.

It's strange how one conversation can destroy any hopes you have. How one conversation can destroy all the dreams you've been carrying since you were eleven. All dreams of a boy who is so close to grab and yet unattainably far away.

I managed to wear my "we're friends" mask until mid-August before it was time to go back to Gorzano and for Charles to get back to Monaco. We parted with a hug that didn't last half as long as I would have liked. A hug that made almost every cell in my body explode and I breathed in his scent deeply. He smelled like a pool and the sea, August sunshine, cut grass, and beach sand. He smelled like Riccione and I hoped I would remember that smell forever.