La Rosa Gialla

Chapter 25

Autumn and winter 2019

The first weeks in London were rough. I knew long distance relationships were hard, but no one had ever told me how much. And the worst thing was that I knew that Damiano was suffering much more than I was. He was putting so much more into our relationship and getting almost nothing back. I felt terrible, but I didn't know how to solve this problem. Other classmates went to parties and made new friends and acquaintances. And instead, I sat on my bed in my college dorms, drowning in tears, just putting off the inevitable.

I never thought I'd be the girl who breaks up over the phone, but what do I have left? My boyfriend was more than 1000 kilometers away and I had no idea when I would fly home again. "Dami?" I sobbed into the phone when after a few rings he answered the call. "Adri?" he asked with a slightly worried tone. "What's happening?"

I sobbed again and mentally counted to ten to calm myself down a bit. "I'd like to tell you that you're a really great boyfriend..." I started, and my face contorted at how awkward it sounded. "Oh, wow," came from the other side.

"I'm really, really sorry..."

"Me too. But I kind of knew it would come sooner or later. I could feel how distant you've been lately," he said and another sob shook my body. "Don't cry, Adri. It just happens. You didn't have it easy, and now that you're gone, it's probably better for both of us to end it." Again and again I was amazed at how calmly he managed these heated situations. If it was the other way around, I would probably get upset and yell at him. He still calmed me down instead. "I'm sorry, Dami. For everything," I whispered. "It's ok. I hope you will be happy again soon. And if you ever want to talk, feel free to call," he offered, but I knew that this would probably be the last conversation we'd ever have.

It took me a few more weeks to at least partially recover not only from the breakup, but also from the drastic change in environment and the loss of my home. I sat alone in the canteen and the library until a couple of girls noticed me. They were like water and fire. One with long blond hair that reached halfway down her back and bright blue eyes, she looked like she didn't care about anything in the world and that other people were just a necessary evil. I later found out her name was Sarah. The latter had black wavy hair cut short, huge brown eyes and a beaming smile from ear to ear. That was Kala. One day they sat down with me and decided that 3 girls are better than 2. And they kept me.

"I still don't understand how you can have such good grades. We study just like you," Sarah was getting upset in the library. From the next table came a sharp: "Shh!" At which Sarah just shrugged and looked at me sternly. "Learning has always been pretty easy for me," I whispered, underlining another line with a yellow highlighter. "I envy you so much," grumbled Kala, who, instead of reading the material, drew colorful flowers on the edges of the notebook. I looked at both of my new friends and regretted never having a girl friend before. It took 20 years, but I was finally part of a girl group.

The rest of the semester flew by and it was time to prepare for exams. Kala and Sarah and I went to the library every day and tried to stuff everything we needed into our heads. When I left the examiners with only A's, it was the two of them who happily patted me on the back and congratulated me on every another excellent grade. Not once did they tell me I was a nerd, that I didn't deserve it, and that they were better than me anyway. I had barely known them for a few months, but they were proud of me, as if they had grown up with me. And it was a great new feeling.

I decided to fly home for Christmas, even though I thought about it for a long time. I spent the whole holidays with dad and Luca, and even though we remembered mom a lot, no one cried. It was indeed the first Christmas without her, but when we all remembered how she suffered at this time last year, we actually felt a certain relief and satisfaction. Now she was no longer in pain. She looked down on us, laughed with us at dad's silly jokes and watched over us.