Listen to me

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"Why can't you just get it?"

"Hyunjin, I know you are tired-"

"No, I'm exhausted. It's not a normal I'm tired Chan. I tell you somethings wrong."

"Okay. Well, let's monitor your... symptoms and we'll see a doctor once back to Korea alright?"

"Fine. Yeah. Just please persuaded the management to schedule me an appointment. "

"I will. Stop worrying now."

They were on their tour.
Hyunjin knew he shouldn't be a bother but he just couldn't take it anymore.
Chan should have known best, he would never complain over something mild unless it was unbearable, and it was.

Some nights he couldn't sleep.
Other nights he would wake up sweating all over.
And there were days off he would finally be able to sleep for twelve hours and when he would wake up he would still be exhausted.

He wasn't just lazy he knew he wasn't because there were other things too, he just refused to acknowledge them.

They were in their way to the concert hall, thankfully on one van.
From the moment Hyunjin got out of the hotel he felt an incredible wave of heat washing over him.
It was indeed the middle of January but maybe it was indeed really hot.
He didn't really know how the weather in America worked so maybe, maybe the others were also not cold at all.

"Hyunjin, aren't you cold? It's freezing."

"No, Lix. I'm fine. I felt like it was quiet hot to be honest."

"Oh.. are you maybe sick?"

"No? No, I don't think so."

Not the way Felix meant anyway.

"Okay, but still you should wear your jacket okay?"

"Sure Lix, anything for you."

Of course the disappointment would jot end here today. It was time for the outfit change.
His make up was done already, even though the make up artist got quiet angry with Hyunjin because of his unusual puffy face.

His answer went along to something like:

"I swear I slept today. It's just puffy these days."

"Well maybe you should watch out your diet? Or maybe lose a little weight?"

Now in the changing room with the stylists Jeongin and Changbin the opposite conversation was displaying.

"Tch, Hyunjin! You lost more weight?"

"What? No!"

"Then explain this? Not even a good pin work is going to save this! Last week you were already a size smaller and I warned you to take it easier on your diet!"

"I don't diet! I really don't. The make up artist just told me to lose weight and-"

"Don't you dare! You are three sizes smaller in a matter of less than two months. Right now not even Felix's or Jeongin's clothes are going to fit you! Stay here, I'm going to figure something out."

Maybe he fell proud of himself to be called thin and having others worrying about him but this... this is not something he needed.

"Hyung, she's right. Now that I get the chance to see you... you are skin and bones."

"Ahh, Innie, don't worry about me. I'm eating well, you all know it. Maybe... I'm just dancing too much."

"Are you sure this is it Hyunjin?"

"Changbin hyung..."

"No, no. No, this feels like we're back to square one. "

"No, I swear to you-"

"I don't care! You think I'm going to believe you? I knew we shouldn't have let you have your own room."

"But I'm not, I'm not-"

"You are thinner than before you started your recovery! How do you expect me to believe you? What are you doing huh? Are you throwing up again, over exercising? Are you taking laxatives? Which one is it?"

"Nothing! Nothing, please believe me, I'm not-"

"Guys, stop it now. We have a concert. After that we can all have a conversation. "

"No, Innie please-"

"Hyunjin, no. This is something Chan must get to know about. We cannot trust you. I agree with Changbin hyung, but this is not the right time nor place."

And indeed a conversation was about to happen.
They were back at the hotel.
He had just gotten out of the shower when his phone rang.
It was a message from Chan inviting them all over to his shared room with Minho.

So there he was now. Seated in between Minho and Seungmin while everyone was bombarding him with questions.

"Chan. I swear. I have not relapsed. I swear. It might be something else-"

"Hyunjin, I've already called your therapist. He adviced us to just monitor you for now okay? That's why we all decided it would be best if you and me changed rooms."

"Okay."

"I don't care wha- did you just agree with me?"

"Yeah."

"It was that easy?"

"I mean, I have nothing to hide. I have not relapsed. So, I don't care if I live with Minho for a month. But I've told you Chan, I'm not feeling my best. Maybe there is something else that's why I'm losing so much weight."

"We'll keep an eye on your symptoms-"

"No, no. You said that exact same thing this morning. Why don't you all just listen to me?"

"Calm down, please."

"No, you are going to let me speak. I'm tired all the time. I can't sleep at night. I always hot and my head sometimes is a mess, my hair is falling and my heart is always racing, I'm losing weight and motivation and I'm-"

"Hyunjin!"

Everything went black.

.

"How is he?"

"He's awake-"

"What caused him to faint?"

"We run a few blood tests and we are certain he has Grave's Syndrome. "

"He has what now?"

"It is an autoimmune disease with awful symptoms. It is a from of Hyperthyroidism. He has almost all of the terrible symptoms and hand tremors.
We have already started medication and he will find a great endocrinologist I know back in Seoul. It will take time to get back on a healthy weight and his symptoms may worsen before he gets better and hopefully on remission. "

"Is it life threatening?"

"Now that we know about it no. But if it's left untreated yes. His hard could give up at any time with the resting heart rate he has. But now everything will be under control."





Author:

Shoutout to all of my fellow people with Grave's Syndrome like me!!

It's hard living with an invisible disease and yes, it may cause misunderstandings some times.
It's tiring and not a lot people understand what it feels like to have the heart rate someone would have in the middle of a panic attack while casually watching TV.

Don't let me get started with the hand tremors! I cannot even open a bottle of water sometimes!

An advice from me: if you feel your body giving up on you or that something is just wrong with it, go to the doctor. The others are wrong not you. You know your body the best so listen to it<3

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