oneshots | skephalo

the in between (a)

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time
You and I drink poison from the same vine
Hidin' all our sins from the daylight
From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight

—
Zak's POV
—

I sat there, everything drowning out. The silence is bone crushing, and I think about anything I could possibly talk about with him.

He sits there with the huge brown blanket lazily placed across his lap. The blanket that had seen so many nights. So many of our nights. We had laughed about its lack of cleanliness so many times before.

It didn't matter how dirty it was, though. It still felt like a staple. It still felt enough.

Meeting each other up here felt like walking on broken glass. The pieces are all here, but it's impossible to fix it. To fix this.

The city is asleep, but we're alive up here, and he knows that.

Every single time we entered up the ladder, across the dark gray shingles that cover the top of the house, it felt like a dream. He'd probably say it was a nightmare. We came up wanting the best—expecting the best. It was nice, for a while, until the end drew closer.

Although I would never admit it to him, I usually started the arguments. I'd say something, something wrong. It was always me.

I felt like I needed to change my priorities. If I let myself talk to him for too long, to grasp his arms for too long, it always led down the wrong path.

Our meet ups always started out wrong and ended wrong. The in between is the only good part. Between the lines, outside of the box—whatever he used to say. I didn't focus on his words too much. I was there for the idea of us. A glimpse. Not for a real version.

Amidst the cold hearted atmosphere and the lights that strung beneath the rooftop, he laughed at my dumb jokes. It was a sweet feeling, a sweet hearing. Sometimes my heart would even skip a beat.

We'd come up here to hide, but I'd always make sure I looked good for him. I wanted to show myself off, just for him. Hair tossed to the side in just the right way, expensive sweatshirt soft enough for his head to lie, silver necklace clasped across my neck.

It's funny. I remember buying the necklace, I bought it because he had told me I'd look good with a little something—earrings, a necklace, just something to make my features sparkle.

Him. I'd tease him with my sweet words, drowning him in compliments like honey. He'd call me the prettiest names, names I never thought I'd even like.

Sometimes he came up with something red on. He looked indescribable in red.

He'd call my name and my face would grow hot. Although we knew how it was going to end, how it was going to end badly, everything felt hot in those moments, burning with anticipation. Burning with excitement and deep want.

And now, the in between was coming closer. I could hear his voice slowing down and see his hands become tired from fidgeting. The blood inside me found a way to rush faster. Minutes felt longer, and I knew it was coming.

I moved closer to him from where I was sitting. He looks down at me. I can hear the faint sounds of bugs, but that's not our problem.

"You haven't talked much. Is everything okay?" He asks me. I'm sitting so close to him, and the side of my waist is brushing against his.

"Yeah. Just want you," I say, hands folded in my lap. "you look nice. I like your hair down."

He laughs and turns his body so that I'm sitting in front of him.

"I like your hair." He exclaims, bringing a hand to my head. He likes the feeling, he's told me that many times before.

He wraps a strand of my black hair around his finger, and I savor the feeling. Not of him, just of the closeness. The presence.

"Darryl," I suddenly say, he lifts his eyes and brings them to mine, creating and holding a shared gaze between us.

He leans forward towards me. I feel his hot breath on my neck. We have a way of doing things, he knows what I like.

He's told me what he likes before, but I don't bother listening. It doesn't matter to me, and I don't care to know.

His face is so close, and I know he can smell my musky scented cologne. I tilt my head, becoming closer than before.

He presses his soft lips against mine. I lay my hands in my lap, and the feeling I get from him is unlike anything I've felt before.

I can feel his warm hands reaching towards my body. I allow myself to become pure putty in his arms as he moves a hand down my back, and when a soft noise leaves my mouth, he pulls away. I see him shiver.

The wind had picked up. He asks for my hoodie, and I tell him I'm too cold. He should be fine, he has a long sleeved shirt on anyways.

A hurt look envelopes his face. I had seen this many times before, but it was not usually this early. We just got to the in between. He usually looked this way at the end.

He pulls the hands that were previously holding onto me away, and I can't read his facial expressions.

"Darryl, wait, I'm sorry." I say. I don't want him to stop. We just started, and I didn't come all the way out here just to waste time. He doesn't say anything.

"..why'd you stop? What are you doing?" The words join together, and I can feel the air growing thick again as it once was before.

He sits on the edge of the roof, legs dangling over. A hurt sigh leaves his mouth.

"We can't keep doing this." His voice is firm and rough. My heart drops to the bottom of my chest.

"No, no, no, c'mon. We just started. Just one more time, please." I drag the 'please' out the longest, hoping he would cave. He's pretty easy to convince.

Although it was only kissing, he knew how to kiss. Unlike other people, he knew what and what not to do. That's why I craved him so deeply.

"No. You know I want an actual relationship, and you can't even give that to me."

"Baby, wait, I'll—"

"You don't pay attention to me unless we're kissing. I just can't keep doing this." He walks to the other side of the roof, where the ladder stands.

I don't run after him. I let him go down the ladder. I know he'll come crawling back to me at some point. He couldn't just leave me like that.

I wished the in between lasted longer this time, I needed him longer than this. I didn't think the end would come this fast.

I sit there on the cold and dark roof. I don't know what to do with myself. The in between was the only thing I was sure about.

—
thank you for reading!!!
word count : 1188
published 1/24/24