The Great History Of Stalking

Howenda

   I was really sick yesterday because I ate something I found on the floor in McDonald's. My older sister, apparently in charge of me, told me that McDonald's is toxic, but of course that's not true!! We all know McDonald's is about the healthiest thing you can get nowadays, probably so was what I found on the floor in there. As I was saying... we have Howenda, my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandmother. But this is when she wasn't as old, of course!!!

   -Howard Howlington

   I am afraid I am being stalked!!
   I am getting this typed by my son, because oh, I am way to lazy to write all this! But I thought it was worth remembering, so I made him write it for me!!

I decided to wear my favorite dress that day. It was the most beautiful pond blue on the bottom, and let up to green, like algae. It really suited me. I am one of the green Pac-Man frogs, which is strange, because I am in a family of yellow ones. Anyways, I felt absolutely gorgeous that day, and the kids wanted to go for a walk. All of my kids. I was so worried about my dress, but I couldn't change because everything else was in the wash.

"Frogs don't even wear clothes," Jim-Jim said. "Only our family. Because you make us."

   I was honestly disgusted by his words. Anyways, I agreed to walk outside with them, yes, in my favorite dress.

About a half an hour later, Jim Jim froze in place, Burt right behind him, and my little girl, Nancy, was holding my paws of frogginess.

"Burt??" I said. "What's.. why did you stop, my child?" I gripped Nancy's hands tighter.

"Look at that abandoned building!!" he exclaimed. There was in fact, quite a small, worn out building. It was probably a restaurant in the past, not a very.. proper one. It was weirdly named THE STALKER, and Nancy looked scared. "We must go in."

"No!! Your not going anywhere, Burtson!" I scolded.

   He walked right in anyways. I just had to go after him. Nancy followed me, and Jim Jim did exactly what Burt did.

Every step I took, I heard the most awful creaking sounds. It was so challenging!

And then.. my backside.. the back of me.. was smacked. I yelped out a word that I am certainly not writing here and that I deeply regret, but at least none of my kids heard. At first I thought maybe it was Burt. But he was DEFINITELY in the other room, joking about extremely inappropriate things.

"Children!! I think it's about time we left!!" I hollered. Of course they HAD to yell, "Five more minutes!"

"Don't say it with that.. tone," I said in a sort of snappy voice.

I was grabbed from behind. I screeched. I was dragged into a room that definitely didn't have an appropriate name. I was quickly tied against a chair. I thought I was gonna get killed, but surprisingly, whoever had tied to me to chair just started talking to me.

"Hey baby," a raspy voice spoke. I'm not completely sure, but I think he was smoking a cigarette. "I gotta say.. I've been admiring you for a while."

"She doesn't give a damn," I heard a voice. A saw a beautiful glistening blue in the corner. It got closer, and the rope that was tied around me loosened.

"Oh my god, god bless you!!" I gasped. "How can I thank you?"

"Go," I heard.

   And I did. I tripped on my dress on the way, but I kept going. I quickly called my kids, and they surprisingly ran out, terrified. "Ma, I saw a Nancy t-tearing up the flesh.. of another.." Burt trailed off.

   I sniffed. "I always knew she was meant to be a cannibal."

   I know my story isn't exactly the most entertaining, but we have quite a STRANGE part that I decided to add. I'll try to explain it appropriately.

   I ran out the door with my kids, well, everyone besides Nancy. Because cannibals are too "emotional" for my taste.

   My dress was wrecked. Plus, it was pouring rain outside.

   ...

   I was in my bed, feeling all sick and scared. I heard slurping and smacking sounds. Crusty toddler fingers grasped onto my toes and I felt a tongue slide across from them. And I had just washed them. "Ima tickle your eyeballs baby grill," a low, rizzful voice spoke. "But first, will you marry me?"

   "Absolutely not!!" I said. "Go away, you disgusting.. BASTARD!!"

   Gasping, from all my children, who I woke up. They have never heard me say such a word.

   The stalker pounced on me. Then I saw him. It was my..

   EX HUSBAND!!!!!!

   Yes, the father of my oldest child, Winnifred. They're not living here, though.

   "Darling..," he said, stroking my feet. "Remember me, my precious?"

   "Yes!! Get off me!" I pushed him off. He collapsed onto the ground.

   "Ugh!! This is what I get for stalking you for months!!" He growled.

   "WHAT!!" I screamed. I got up and dialed 911 on the phone. He snatched the phone and smashed it. He then hissed rabidly and crawled out the door.

   It was something..

  THE END..

   Hmm, that was pretty.. overwhelming. The next one though.. is the most popular one in the family. Winnifred's story!! So exited to release it, pookies!

   -Howard Howlington

A/N: I'm sorry this one's kinda.. I just had such a bad writers block. That's why it was taking days. But keep reading please! Don't give up!!

Make sure to vote for if you want it to continue!