The Great History Of Stalking

WINIFRED

I went on a date with this guy, but there was this glint in his eyes that I could not resist. I got the frog zoomies and ran around in circles.. I could just FEEL my gyatt rippling. But he made a disgusted face at me, and thrusted his hips from side to side as he walked away... My zoomies faded away... but soon they were to come again. He had horrible taste in dating, because I'm the best at it!!! I was a little bit sad that he left me, but not for long, because I admit... I have developed a huge crush on Ed Sheeran... anyways, here's Winifred!!

-Howard Howlington

DAY ONE OF STALKING!!
I stroked my binoculars, my crusty fingers sliding across the bumpy surface. My raspy breathing filled the air. I was so so ready to stalk. I licked my lips obnoxiously and smacked and slurped... I crawled out the door like a rabid animal. Recently I had been stalking the pacman frog that worked at McDonald's... He was in his teen years, quite obviously. I hopped over to McDonald's, and slipped through the open door. And there he was. He was such a nerd as he adjusted his glasses and sniffed some snot up his nose. There was another Pac-Man frog, named Jessica, with way too much makeup on, as well as fake eyelashes, who had way more attitude then.. uh what's this nerd guys name.. Alfred. They called him Alfie, though. He was quite amusing.

   "Alfie, stop messing with that wart, wash your hands, and get to work!!" Jessica said. "You nerd."

   Alfie looked up immediately. "Yes ma'am," he said with a flirty tone, he walked over to the sink, leaving Jessica with a disgusted look, rolling her eyes, and getting back to work.

   Alfie's crusty fingers wiggled around.

   Oh yeahhhh... that's it, baby... gurgle...

   You might be wondering how I remember all this so well. It's jusy how I am, I'm that much of a creep, to where I remember everything anyone ever does.

   But before I knew it, there was someone next to me. It was a quite rizzful Pac-Man frog, as he waggled his eyebrows and got closer.

   "Who the flip are you?" I snapped.

   "I'm a stalker.. you too?" the Pac-Man frog grabbed a random cigarette on the ground, and chewed on it.

   "Yes. But Alfie's mine. Run along now!" I said, trying to ignore him and just keep watching Alfie.

   Of course he didn't leave. What a weirdo! He just stayed behind me, breathing loudly.

   It was hard to be a creep when another creep was right next to you...

   ANYWAYYYSSS...

   I licked my arm, giving myself a bath.. as if I was a cat. The creep watched me.

   This was the crustiest frog I've ever seen. Skin flaking off of his feet, watery bloodshot eyes.. snot dribbling out of his nose..

   RASP

   "Ugh!!! Go away!" I yelled. "I'm trying to stalk!!"

   It didn't happen.

He stayed right there, rasping even more. I could hear his slimy hands brushing against the ground.

I tried. I attempted many times to get him away.

I tried. I tried to stalk Alfie.

I tried to ignore this OTHER creep, but it did not work.

I got up, and hopped out the door. It's that simple. At least that's what I thought. He didn't follow me, surprisingly. He was probably crushing on Alfie. I just went into the forest and creeped around like a weirdo. But there was even more of a weirdo in there. The weird goth frog that stabbed her boyfriend because she randomly decided she was gay.

She sounded so.. hot. A true gay.

I just had to find her and stalk her!!! ...But there was no way I could find her in this huge forest. Just no way. I sighed.

I moved on from that sadness and kept saying walking. And soon enough, rustling sounds came from the trees and ALOT of pictures fell out. The pictures were all of me! Most embarrassing some of them were of my gyatt.. I looked up at the tree, no one was there.
Some hands grasped onto my feet. I screamed as I was dragged into a hole in the ground. There was a door over the hole, but whoever KIDNAPPED me, locked it so I can't get out.

   I screamed.

   It was.. the weird guy who was stalking me when I was trying to stalk Alfie.

   I sighed. "What do you want, you skibidi no-gyatt!?"

   "Ehehehheheheheeheheheh," I heard his raspy breathing. "SNIFFLE." He started sharpening a knife.

   "What the-," I started.

   "Mmm I gotta slice them potatoes," he said, pointing to a pile of potatoes in the corner. He licked his lips. "Yummeh. Just can't get enough of the sweet potato-scented air." His snot dribbled onto the ground.

   I coughed.

   He waddled up to me. "Look into my eyes, young'un."

   He looked younger than me, and I AM A TEENAGER. And no, my mom does not support my stalking. Here's what happened:

   "Hey mom, I want to talk to you about something important," is what I said.

   "Yes, dear?" She spoke kindly.

   "I stalk frogs. All day, for a living. This is what I've actually been doing when I told you I was studying for math. And I sneak out of school every day to go be a creepy weirdo and take photos of frogs in strange situations," I said. "Do you support me, UwU?" I burped.

   My moms eyes widened. "WHAT THE F-"

   And that's where we end the story. Don't ask anything else. Anyways. I did look into his eyes for a good second. My eyes stung just looking at him. That's how gay I am. I can't even look at men.

   "Child.. you're gonna show me where I can find the first beavis and butthead doll ever.."

   A TRUE CREEP...

   TO BE CONTINUED..

   Well, that was super silly. Also, I asked Ed Sheeran out and uhh he broke my heart.. SOB..
I can't get over it. Maybe I can ask out his mom.

   -Howard Howlington

   (LET ME KNOW IF YOU SPOT ANY TYPOS!)