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What a shit show.

•chapter eight•

After he immediately exited my house I sprinted up the steps slamming my bedroom door. Collapsing on my mattress I began to heavily sob. I laid there for a what appeared to be a mere century Wallowing in self pity and destruction. This never ending cycle of pain. It never fucking ends. All these overwhelming amounts of emotions attacking my mind.

I just want fucking clarity.

Was this such an outrageous and absurd request? All I crave is peace and yet immediately when I receive it, when everything seems to finally make somewhat sense everything comes crumbling to pieces. Like I said it's a never ending cycle of pain, utter heartbreak and yet though I'm undeniably use to this...this pitiful feeling it still crushes me every time. I couldn't quite understand how he could appear so stable, like this didn't effect him. Or maybe it was what feared most, that this didn't effect him. that from the very beginning that this entire relationship was merely one sided. Did I visualize and fantasize his imaginary feelings towards me? Did I feel the need to create an alternative universe because the reality of him only referring to me as a platonic friend was to much to bare? Was it all in my mind? I suddenly couldn't breathe, panic began to invade my conscience. breath hitching in my throat as I vocally sobbed, the disgusting sound traveling the entire Width of this ridge house.

I chose not to enter school for the next three days, it was merely too painful. Just the thought of seeing his features caused my entire mind to collapse. Approximately twenty seven missed calls and messages later the obnoxious insessiant hum of my vibrating phone against the solid surface of my side table began to irritate my mind. Eventually I couldn't seem to handle this noise that relentlessly erupted every fifteen seconds, causing me to roughly grasp my phone slamming it against my ear.

"what!" I immediately snapped, immensely frustrated by her persistence.

"How hard is it to pick up your damn phone?" She harshly questioned frustration lacing through her every word.

"Don't fucking start with me Maldonado...I'm not in the mood."

"Really? Well that sucks because I am. If you're gonna spontaneously fall of the face of the earth warn a sister first! Kay? Kay." She furiously stammered on.

"Can you calm down!"

"Don't you are dare tell me To calm down, I've been worried sick about you...it's been three days dumbass!"

"Look I ge-"

"No! you don't get to make excuses...Scott resolve this shit with Mitch or I swear to God Hoying I'm strangling you both." She shouted, immediately ending the call abandoning me to the utter painfully empty silence. The silence that invades my mind leaving me to ponder thoughts that eventually destroy nearly every positive thought I could possibly possess.

Resolve? How in the hell could I possibly resolve this situation when I can't even be in his presence for a mere minute without practically shattering to pieces.

-•-

Eventually my mother took notice to the fact that I've missed multiple days of school, and immediately began complaining on how I'm undoubtedly throwing my high school career down the drain. She couldn't quite comprehend what exactly was going through my thick skull, not that I particularly had the knowledge either.

I felt like my world came crashing down the instant my eyes caught a glimpse of his lips pressed against another's. My entire life felt like a complete and utter lie. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't comprehend. I didn't understand how he could do this, I still didn't quite fully. I deserved and explanation, one that I was persistent on receiving.