A Kiss To Build A Dream On - Season 2: Bridge

The Deadly Fandango ~ Desplante

Options and time -- two things Graham was running out of alarmingly fast.

The only safe place he had was Frankie's, but that door had closed on him long ago. He couldn't get help from the Family, and he wasn't particularly popular in the precinct, either. The only person who cared for him enough to help him lay fingerless in a ditch somewhere.

I'm sorry, Marvin, thought Graham. The only thing he wanted was to help. He should have listened to him when he had the chance. There was no sadness in him, but impotence.

Impotence that he couldn't do anything to avoid this. Impotence that yet another life was lost to his incompetence.

His eyes welled up in tears. He couldn't go on. He had nothing to live for anymore. Stopping at a red light, he let it go. Let it all go. He cried and cried and punched the dashboard in frustration. He wanted to scream, but he cried so much that he began to hiccup. Every failure, every misstep, played in his mind at the same time. A pariah in his own family, a failure at his job, and a bothersome footnote in his own story. The only thing he managed to do in his life was to end another.

Marvin. The woman. Tracy. Each of them a notch in his soul, too broken to keep continuing, not even after the multitude of horns blared for him to move.

Will somebody mourn me after I die? Would anyone miss me after I'm gone? Is there a point to live?

Those were the questions he asked the void. But the void only stared back, unblinking.

But was he ready to die? Unlikely. He wanted to escape, so there was still a glimmer of hope in him. He had nowhere to go, and wherever he went, the family would find him. He had no money, no gun, and the only things in his pockets were his badge and his recorder.

Anxiety. Breathing hard. Hyperventilating. Head pulsating. Phone ringing. Phone?

A piercing ringing came from the back seat, one Graham knew perfectly. He quickly scrambled to find the source of the sound. Under the passenger seat, all the way to the back, was his phone. He managed to grab it, a task made increasingly hard by only having one hand with working fingers, but whoever was calling hung up before accepting the call.

Just before unlocking the phone, he saw a pair of black eyes stare at him. The portrait of Tracy judged him and his every move. His biggest failure.

The call came again. It was Anna. Graham had forgotten about her.

"Hello?" he said, trying his best to stabilize his hiccups.

"Graham, it's late. Where are you?"

"I..." he began to say, but he was drawing a blank. She was waiting for him. She needed him. Could he just let her alone?

"Graham! You hear me?"

"Yeah, sorry. I got...busy."

"Well, hurry up, is getting late. Can you bring a jug of milk?"

"Yes?"

"Cool. We drinking cocoa tonight. See ya."

And with that, she hung up. Graham's world shifted on its axis. He couldn't leave her alone, but he couldn't put her in danger. He had to go, and never look back.

I should take her with me. But that would be stupid. She would have to leave her entire life, work, and friends behind, just for him. Not to mention the target she would be putting on her back just by being around him.

I should take her with me, the voice inside his head repeated. But he knew it was impossible. Too much to bear.

I will take her with me, the voice insisted.