Reprogrammed (Hunter Angst)

Peace in the Aftermath

He hadn't been sleeping again. After the whole incident with the Sertraline, Hunter had gone cold turkey from all medication. While he felt more present without the anti-depressant dragging him down, he felt exhausted without the Triazolam. Nightmares haunted him, ripping him gracelessly from any sleep he might have the fortune of finding.

This persistent problem was revealed to Mrs. Rose by Hunter during their Wednesday session. Truly, his actions spoke louder than words ever could.

He plunked down in the chair with a sigh, and reveled in the warm cotton blanket that was draped casually over the chair. The room smelled like cinnamon and cookies, and the lighting was pleasantly dim. Hunter asked his therapist about her week, and as she started talking, he drifted off.

Halfway through their session, he startled back awake, shooting up from the chair. Blood rushed to his head and he stumbled back. Using a hand to steady himself on the arm of the chair, Hunter felt his face heat up. It took a moment to blink his vision back clear, but eventually magenta eyes settled on Mrs. Rose's patient form.

"Good morning to you," She said, by way of greeting. Hunter ground his teeth and itched at his arms as he gingerly sidled back into his seat.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

Mrs. Rose shrugged. "You needed the rest. In all the months that I've known you, those eyebags of yours have never gone away."

"Hah, I've had these things since I was a little kid. They're never going away."

"Being chronically underslept is very bad for you, Hunter." She pointed out.

"Yeah, well I think I've got bigger problems." Hunter said. He looked down, realized that he was scratching at his arms, and forced his hands to lay flat over his thighs.

"How are you feeling regarding your autism diagnosis?"

The teenager groaned. "Not good... Well, better than I did at first. It's taking me a bit to process."

"Which is a symptom of-"

Hunter cut her off. "I know, I know. I read your stupid pamphlet. It just seems like everything I do is a symptom of autism. My scratching, the overstimulation, my dislike of change, and whatever else."

"Maybe this will help. No matter who a person is, requiring time to process shocking or new information is normal. Many neurotypical people can also experience symptoms of autism without actually having the disorder. It is the combination and severity of symptoms that come together to qualify a person for an autism diagnosis."

Hunter ran a hand through his hair. "And there's not anything that I can do to fix it?"

"No, unfortunately not. There are steps that you can take to alleviate things like burnout, overstimulation, and other undesirable symptoms. But as a whole, autism is not something that is curable."

She saw the look of disappointment on his face, and hastily continued. "However, all the same, it is not a death sentence either. People with autism have the full capability to live successful and long lives. I believe that with your continued efforts, we can get you to a place where you feel confident and happy in your own body."

"That's gonna be really hard, considering the fact that I can't sleep and I'm scared of every dark corner." Hunter countered.

"I apologize if this is a sore topic, but would you consider experimenting with other medications? I know that your first experiences with taking prescriptions were not exactly desirable, but I did see some improvements when you took them. For example, your flashbacks improved, and you were able to sleep for much longer without flashbacks."