Bi The Time

Chapter 4: Get

The night seemed to hold its breath as Parker and Rodney sat beneath the swaying branches of the willow tree. The question still lingered there as both wondered if they were or ever could be ok.

"Look, Parker," Rodney finally broke the silence, his voice barely above a whisper. "I should've told you about... about Ally and me." He scuffed his shoe against the grass, unwilling to meet Parker's gaze. "After you left at the dance, I was just... I was a mess, man. I wanted—needed—to feel something good, even for a second."

His hands clenched into fists, knuckles bone-white. "It was stupid and selfish. I guess I just wanted to forget how much it hurt, but... I never should have done it, it just screwed everything up." Rodney's voice cracked. "I am so sorry about the kiss, about making you feel like you had to come out, about everything I did." Rodney could feel the tears begin to stream down his red cheeks.

Parker's silence was deafening. Rodney glanced upwards and found those green eyes, the ones he had fallen in love with, they were locked on the ripples in the pond in front of them. Rodney could tell that Parker was thinking hard about what to say next—he braced himself for the response.

"Rodney," Parker said, at last, his gaze still locked on the pond. "When I heard about... about the kiss, I wanted to drink. I didn't want to have to think about it, I wanted to feel numb again and that scared the shit out of me." His tone was more serious, something Rodney couldn't remember hearing before. "But I didn't. When I got home I found my old skateboard. Snapped it clean in half."

He paused, swallowing hard. "I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at myself." Parker turned his body, fully facing Rodney now, the tears clearly building in the corners of his eyes. "I was selfish too, making you stay hidden just so I could be happy, I never thought about how that made you feel. And after ruining the dance for you, how could I blame you for kissing someone else?"

Rodney watched as the first tear escaped and slipped its way down Parker's cheek. It struck him in that moment that they both were hurting, they both felt guilty for how it all played out.

"You know I have replayed that night in my mind a lot," Parker said, his voice cracking, "Don't tell anyone else this but I didn't go to the camp by choice, it was kind of mandatory. When I got home I took my dad's keys and tried to drive back on my own, I needed to explain myself to you. I didn't make it far though, crashed it just down the street. Judge said the camp was the only way to ensure I didn't end up with a record."

Rodney's heart sank as he realized Parker was going back for him, while he was kissing Ally. He always thought Parker had left him—That he had ghosted him because he had done something wrong that night—but that night Parker had tried to come back to him and it cost him more than Rodney could imagine.

"What would you have said?" Rodney whispered he had to know how Parker really felt about him, "If you had made it back to me?"

Their eyes locked, and for a moment, Rodney felt the distance between them close, like he was seeing the real Parker for the first time. He felt hope, hope that they could at the very least be friends again.

"You know at camp one the counselors had a saying," Parker murmured, fiddling with the zipper on his jacket. "Be an arrow, not a boomerang. I thought it was dumb but I get it, it doesn't matter what I would have done if I had gone back to the dance. All that matters is what I can do now. And right now what I want is for us to be friends again."

Rodney's smile was hesitant, but it was genuine. "I would like that a lot," he said, all his worry about talking to Parker was finally lifting. "I've really missed you."

"I've missed you too." Parker seemed finally at ease. "And I am happy for you, I think you and Ally will be just fine. You really care about each other."