Bi The Time

Chapter 7: Want

Rodney's fingers curled into his comforter, clenching the fabric as if it could be ripped away from him at any moment. His alarm blared as the numbers flashed, making it feel like a police car was parked inside his room. Rodney watched the flashing number in silence feeling heavy. How could he go to school knowing Derek was still not talking to him, Ally broke his heart and Parker wasn't there anymore.

"Get up, Rodney," he muttered to himself, finally reaching out and turning off the alarm. He forced himself upright and stumbled his way through his room as he got dressed. He only paused for a minute when he noticed on his way out of his room to look at the photo of himself with Ally at Canada's Wonderland, it stung to see how happy they used to be together.

The kitchen was no sanctuary. As he made breakfast he knocked over a box of bran flakes, reminding him of the time Parker went on a rant about how it was the worst cereal of all time before pouring himself a bowl. Rodney poured himself a bowl but couldn't bring himself to eat it. He could almost hear Parker's laughter at some silly joke, see the sparkle in those green eyes.

"Stupid... It's just food." Rodney pushed the bowl away, appetite vanishing.

He sat on the couch to watch some anime to put his mind at ease and there in the corner was the ugly old rainbow throw pillow Ally seemed to love. She always insisted on that spot, snuggled up with her feet tucked under her.

"I miss the way things used to be," he thought, sinking into the cushions.

He tried to focus on the show, watching the intense battle between rival ninja factions but his mind was elsewhere. A memory popped into his mind: him, Parker, and Ally, arms slung around each other at last year's school play, You Can't Take It With You, smiles wide and carefree as they laughed along with the show. Rodney's heart clenched; he turned off the TV.

"Enough!" He muttered, tired of his own intrusive thoughts. He stood abruptly, he was going to get rid of all these distressing feelings if it killed him.

"Time to purge," Rodney decided, if it was good enough for every breakup in a movie ever, it was good enough for him. He scoured the house for any reminders of his past relationships—Parker's old sweater, a CD Ally had made, movie ticket stubs, doodles on napkins, all the items that caused him to feel empty inside.

Are you really going to burn everything? He asked himself, stacking the items haphazardly into a garbage can out back. His hands trembled slightly, not from the chill in the air but from the uncertainty twisting in his gut. Did he really want to part with all these memories?

With another look down into the old trash can, he made his decision "I have to let go and move on," Rodney reminded himself, trying to shake off the doubt. "This is the right move."

Is it though? The question hung unanswered as he wondered if getting rid of any of their stuff would actually help him move on. The arm of the sweater hung over the side of the can, it still carried the faint scent of Parker's cologne. He thought about keeping it after all Parker had to move, it wasn't his choice. He fingered the edges of a ticket stub as he made his choice, he would feel like a bit of creep hanging onto his ex's sweater.

"Alright, let's do this," he whispered, as he removed the matchbox from his pocket. He struck a match, watching the flame flicker in the light breeze.

"Goodbye, Parker. Goodbye, Ally," he exhaled, dropping the match into the can.

The fire caught quickly, greedily devouring the surprisingly flammable items in the can. Rodney watched, thankful his family were all working this fine Saturday so they couldn't see this. He felt a strange relief mingling with heartache and each piece turned to ash, but the memory that went with it seemed to only grow stronger.