Kaz Rietveld

Chapter 4

A/N: apologies for all the pov changes but I just feel like certain parts sound better with certain characters povs.

Now, Jesper was by no means perfect but he tried his best. He wasn't perfect with his father, with his friends, with Wylan, hell with anyone. But he tried. He knew deep down that he may not be able to help Kaz, but he sure as hell was going to try his hardest.

Kaz was in his room now and Jesper came to the conclusion that he's known the other boy for years now, walking into his room unannounced shouldn't get him slaughtered. At least he hoped so. So he walked in. The room hadn't changed in all the time Jesper had known Kaz and that didn't surprise him, he was a creature of habit. Mostly annoying ones but they made Kaz, well Kaz.

Jesper was prepared to get a beating from the boy for invading his privacy, what he wasn't prepared for, was Kaz having a panic attack.

His hair was messy, like he'd been pulling at it with the hands that no longer wore his gloves. His jacket was off, top few buttons of his shirt loose, one hand scratching at his throat the other clutching weakly at his shirt, right above his heart. Kaz was scared. Kaz was scared, and that scared Jesper.

It took what felt like hours for him to regain his composure, to slowly make his way towards his friend. He knew how to deal with panic attacks, Wylan sometimes had them. The only thing that left him unsure was that he had no idea what could make Kaz like this. Apart from whoever Jordie was? An old barrel criminal maybe?

He walked till he was just a few steps from Kaz and called his name. He didn't hear him. Breathing so erratic that Jesper was concerned he would pass out. So, he slowly kneeled in front of him and called his name.

He kept calling till Kaz looked up. His eyes were red, a few tears on his face, that vacant look was back. The breathing got worse. Jesper made sure not to touch him yet, remembering he should at least make sure Kaz knew where he was and who he was with.

"Kaz, it's me Jesper, and this is gonna sound real bossy coming from me but you gotta calm down Kaz" he started softly. He was know looking him in the eye.

"You're in the Slat, in your room. Remember? You came and hauled my ass out the gambling halls and you came back here, to your room in the Slat." He couldn't help but laugh a little at the quick turn of events, but he couldn't shake the fear of what may have caused it.

"It's me, it's Jesper. Your sharpshooter. The god with guns, always got your back. I always did and I always will. I need you to calm down Kaz, so I can have your back now."

Slowly, but surely, Kaz seemed to come to terms with that was happening.

"Jes?" His voice was rough and quiet, so different from the usual voice of his friend.

"Yeah Kaz, it's Jes" he smiled.

He reached forward gently and slowly to move the hand that had left scratches by his throat, unaware of his friend's distress. Kaz recoiled like he'd been burned.

"Don't touch me!" He shouted, but there was no anger in his face, just fear.

Jesper pulled his hand back, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry."
It seemed Kaz hadn't noticed that Jesper's hand had been on his knee the whole time. Jesper did.

He looked down at his hand as the pieces came together. Kaz always had his skin covered, he always wore gloves, no matter what they were doing he let the gloves get dirty not taking them off till he got back. Kaz hadn't noticed the hand on his pants, but he'd noticed the one coming toward his bare hand. He felt tears creep into his eyes, all these years, and he'd never realised.

"It's the skin isn't it? You can't stand it when someone touches your skin." He whispered.

~

Kaz pov

Kaz had never felt so small till that moment. He was thief, a pickpocket, a schemer, yet he couldn't find a single way out of this one. Jesper wasn't stupid. He'd just walked in on the bastard of the barrel cowering in a corner, shouting as his friend tried to touch his hand, all while the other hand was on his knee. No, Jesper was no fool.

He didn't dare look at his face as he admitted his pathetic little secret. The great leader of the Crows broke down in a second someone touched his hand.

"No, I can't."

Silence.

"Jesper, you can lea-"

Before he knew it Jesper was grabbing him and pulling him into his chest. He tensed before realising, his friend had been careful. His head was on Jespers chest, his coat acting as a barrier.

He tried to pull back before the arms tightened around him.

"...What are you doing?"

"You plan heists and you can't figure out this? I'm hugging you Kaz, saints know you need one and I don't think I wanna know when the last time you had one was."

He felt a shame rise in his chest one that slowly burned to annoyance.

"I don't need your pity Jesper. And may the Saints try to protect if you even try to breathe a word of this to anyone" he spat.

Then he was being pushed back as Jesper kept a firm grip and on his shoulders, facing him, "SAINTS KAZ! is that really what you think of me? That I'd watch you break down, that I'd hug you for clout to just go and tell stories?"

Jesper was angry, Kaz could see it, could hear it in his voice. And for once he didn't know what to say back.
"I care about you Kaz. Maybe you find that hard to understand, maybe you don't know what that looks like, but I do. I could ask you a million questions about what's happened today but I won't pry. I'm here for you Kaz. Yes for jobs, for heists, any criminal activity that'll get you Kruge. But I'm here for you as a friend Kaz, not just for business."

Jesper Pov

He held in his breath. He'd really just calmed Kaz through a panic attack, hugged him then shouted at him. This was probably the worst way to go about it but it was too late for that now.

"Okay"

Okay? He was just getting an okay? After all of that?! Oh who was he kidding himself, this is Kaz he's dealing with, should've expected it really.

It wasn't much but he'd take it. And he wouldn't push him, he could only hope Kaz would come to him in his own time. And maybe, just maybe, he'd start to learn who Kaz Brekker really was.

~

There's every chance I wrote that whole scenario factually wrong and horribly but I feel like it works.

Heads up, there isn't going to be a huge emphasis on the romantic relationships besides Kanej, but even that won't be loads I'm more focusing on the platonic ones.

Till next time dudes.