Eternal Sunshine

Bad Idea

Rain fell in a slow, steady rhythm, dancing on the metal roof. Silver streams flowed down the window as Ariana Grande looked out at the gray sky. February in Los Angeles. It should feel cold and dreary, but she liked the rain. And today of all days it felt right. A new beginning. A new era. And she was going to own it.

It was a bad idea, right? Ariana knew, objectively speaking, that this could be a huge mistake. Her mama wouldn't like it, her daddy wouldn't either, probably no one in her family except her brother. Frankie would be the only one who could understand. It had started with him after all. They had both been rebounding from failed relationships. Ariana's divorce finalized and her fling with Ethan come to its inevitable conclusion. That has not been a shock, but she had been shocked at her brother's relationship ending.

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So there they both were on New Year's Eve with their friends, single and trying to drink away feelings of loneliness. Fake it till you make it. But there's nothing quite like the holidays to make you reflect on life, especially New Years. Ariana had been hoping some vodka shots would help clear her head when Frankie started complaining about the process of moving out post break up. She listened without really listening, after all she was an expert at breakups. Eventually she asked the burning question, what happened? She had liked his fiancé. Thought he was a good match for Frankie.

Instead of answering directly, Frankie answered with a quote. He could be so damned philosophical when drunk. Frankie slapped his shot glass down on the table and loudly proclaimed, "Oscar Wilde once said, "everything in the world is about sex — except sex. Sex is about power." Honesty, Ari, that resonates with me so much. Like, I like being attractive and sexy. I want people to want me. But when I date guys that are less famous and wealthy than I am, when I'm the one with all the power and they are there for the free ride, it actually makes me feel less powerful. I feel taken advantage of. Even when they aren't gold diggers or whatever. I just feel like I'm settling for something less and thus acknowledging that I'm not that powerful. I dunno, maybe that doesn't make sense."

The problem was it did make sense. In fact Ariana had never gone from tipsy to stone cold sober so quickly. A sudden self-realization. She was addicted to power. Suddenly her old crush on President Obama made sense. She had daydreamed of being a modern Marilyn Monroe. But that crush immediately dissolved when Obama's presidency was over and thankfully had not transferred to the geriatrics who succeeded him. She didn't actually have a crush on the man, it was the power he held.

In every relationship she ever had it was she who had all the money and power. No power couple just Ariana and whatever guy she was currently with. A revolving door of mediocrity. Okay, that was a little harsh. But she had certainly never been the arm candy for a powerful man. That should be a feminist nightmare but damn if it wasn't fucking sexy to her. How ironic. She was supposed to be a strong, independent woman. Why couldn't she be both? She wanted it all. And didn't she deserve that?

Ariana thought about her most recent relationships. Ethan had made her feel powerful for a while. The sheer fact that he was willing to give up his marriage for her was thrilling. As horrible as it was, it made her feel sexy and desirable. Like she could have any man she picked if she really wanted to. But the allure wore off quickly. Reality hit hard that he wasn't much of a prize. His willingness to cheat on his wife manifested in their own relationship as wandering eyes.

Dalton had been perfectly adequate for a Covid relationship. Routine set in and he had become downright domestic. Marriage was a mistake, but she had learned. Thank you, next. Pete had been fun. At least for a while, but his struggle with drugs has always been a source of contention. The list went on and on but the fact remained that all those men had not been on the same level of money or fame. She had been playing with boys but she wanted a man.