𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 ˢᵏᶻ

.𖥔 ݁ ˖๋ ࣭ ⭑ spread my wings

dearest chan,

you haven't visited in a while. perhaps life got in the way, and you don't have time.

or maybe, you don't want to see me like this.

don't worry, i fully understand. watching the love of your life withering away in a hospital bed isn't the romantic future you imagined. the worst part is that it was no one's fault, just another one of life's unfortunate events.

you were the one who drove me to the hospital that day. i thought it was just a headache, but 6 hours later, and suddenly i have a terminal brain tumour and 1 year left to live.

it's crazy what a turn your life can take.

listen, i don't know how much longer i can hold on for. my body weakens with each treatment and although the doctors claim that i have 4 months still left in me, it feels a lot less.

i started forgetting things, like where i am and what was happening to me - and i'm scared that i'll start forgetting you too.

i'm fading fast, and all i can do is watch.

i have decided to write this letter so that at least if i don't remember me, you can.

i am really sorry that i was such a disappointment to you. i know you wanted to get married and start a family, and i always hesitated because i was worried about settling down too soon.

if i wasn't such a coward, maybe you could've had a piece of me to hold onto once i'm gone.

i want you to know that these past few years with you have been the most precious years of my life, and i wouldn't trade them for anything.

when you think of me, i need you to remember the woman who loved dancing in the rain and late night karaoke and building sand castles on the beach because it reminded her of being a kid; not the girl who lost her mind and her life far too young.

call my brother every once in a while - he still thinks of you as his best friend. i need you to look out for him after i'm gone; it'll break his heart to lose his big sister, but if he has you he'll be okay. will you do that for me?

please stop by soon. i want to hold your hand and hear your laugh one last time.

and if i could do it all again chan, i would've loved you better. but i could not have loved you more.

with love,

✰