What The Heart Wants (Sebastian Vettel)

48. An Anxious Wait

Seb nearly winced as Jessie squeezed his hand tightly.    Boy, she had a strong grip.  He thought to himself that if she did end up pregnant he'd probably end up with a broken hand when she was in labour.  

"Ok Jessie, we are ready start," the consultant said. "Just tell me if anything hurts.   It shouldn't hurt, but you may feel uncomfortable.  

Seb felt sick with nerves.   This was it.    This was the day their embryos would be placed inside Jessie's womb.   After a discussion with the consultant they'd chosen to have two of the five successfully fertilised ones put back, and the other three frozen in case they decided to try again.  

Jessie closed her eyes.  She felt sick.   She knew Seb was excited but she was just filled with a sense of dread.  She knew she should be more positive, but she'd been knocked down so many times at this stage that she just couldn't envisage a happy outcome. 

She could hear one of the nurses describing everything that was happening to Seb.  She knew that he'd be watching the procedure via the ultrasound, which she'd chose not to watch. 

After around fifteen minutes the consultant announced that the transfer was complete.   

"Jessie?"   She opened her eyes and saw Seb staring at her over the top of his blue surgical mask, his eyes full of concern. 

"Are you ok?"  

"Yeah," she replied automatically.  "Just a little sore, but I expected that."

Seb knew she wasn't right.  She'd not opened her eyes once during the procedure, not that he'd seen anyway, but he had been alternating between looking at her and watching the ultrasound on the screen.    It had been fascinating to see the catheter enter Jessie and place their embryos in her womb.  Their embryos, their babies!   Would it work?  Maybe they'd even end up with twins!

"Ok, let's get you back to the ward," one of the nurses said.  

Seb walked behind the bed as Jessie was pushed back to her room. He took off his face mask, glad to take in a breath of fresher air. 

"How long until Jessie can go home?" he asked the nurse as she raised the back of the bed and slipped a pillow behind Jessie's head. 

"Just a couple of hours, although when she gets home she needs to take it easy for a few days.  You'll be briefed on the do's and don'ts before she's discharged.  Can I get you both a cup of tea?"

"No thank you, but a cup of water would be nice, thank you."

"Of course. Jessie?"

"Water please."

The nurse left and Seb sat down on the chair next to Jessie's bed.  He picked her hand up. 

"How are you feeling? Does it hurt?"

"I feel the same as when you asked me five minutes ago," Jessie replied, smiling softly at him. 

Seb reached out and cupped her cheek.  He was full of conflicting emotions.  He felt hopeful and optimistic that the transfer would work, but he felt like he couldn't show his feelings to Jessie.  He knew she wasn't letting herself get her hopes up.   He was also terrified that it would fail and shatter Jessie's heart once again.    He knew he'd be heartbroken himself, but it would be so much worse for her. 

"I love you," he told her. 

"I love you too.  I'd better give Mum a ring and let her know it's done."

Seb took her phone from out of the drawer of the bedside unit and handed it to her.   He sat listening as she called her mum.

They'd finally told Thomas and Laura about their IVF attempt after they'd returned from Cornwall.  Seb had suggested it as he knew Jessie's mum would know exactly how her daughter felt and it would be good for Jessie to talk to her about her fears.  His own parents didn't know about it.   He'd decided there was no need to tell them and get their hopes up.   They'd tell them of it was successful.