Loving Her is Red

Forty Two

*trigger warning. mentions of self harm*

YOUR POV

Ivy has asked me to come and help with homework. I was supposed to have the kids until late but it's just easier to go back to the house so they're settled. Nat's not home either so I can be here.

- Ivy : Mom, can we talk?

- y/n : Always

- Ivy : Mom

- y/n : Ives

- Ivy : Do you get sad?

- y/n : Yeah, I do

- Ivy : Yeah. Me too. Sometimes, I get sad and I can't breathe and I don't know what to do. I feel guilty about you and Mama arguing because I heard her saying to Uncle Clint that things would be simpler if you didn't have kids. But when I get sad I don't know what to do so I...

- y/n : Take your time baby, it's just you and me. No judgement

- Ivy : Sometimes I hurt myself when it gets too much. Sometimes I think I deserve it

- y/n : Oh Ives

- Ivy : Mommy

- y/n : Shhh, shh. Mommy's got you. It's okay. I'm so sorry I didn't realise baby. Mommy's sorry

- Ivy : Please don't tell Mama

- y/n : Shh, it's our secret. Mommy's going to help you, okay?

I can't put this on Nat. She can't know that us separating is affecting the kids this badly. We need time apart to process things. Ivy's 13, she shouldn't be feeling like this.

- Charlie : Mom, is Ivy okay?

- y/n : She will be. Come here Charlie. I love you both so much

- Charlie : Ugh Mom

- Ivy : I love you too

- y/n : Gimme a hug. I'm sorry that me and your Mama are taking some time apart. I'm sorry it's affecting you guys

- Charlie : Mom knows?

- Ivy : Mhm

- y/n : You knew?

- Charlie : Ivy made me promise not to tell anyone. She said she'd stop

- Ivy : Charlie!

- y/n : Calm down. It's okay, she's just looking out for you

- Daniel : Mommyyyy. Come play trucks

- y/n : Mommy's going to spend some time with Ives and Cece and then she'll come play trucks, okay?

- PJ : Okay Mommy

I'm failing as a parent. My oldest daughter has been hiding panic attacks and self harm from me and has asked her little sister to keep it a secret because they think me and Natasha have too much to worry about.

- y/n : What can I do Ives?

- Ivy : Just hold me Mommy

- y/n : I've got you baby. Come here Cece

They're my girls. I can't watch them fall apart and not do anything. I just want to wrap them up and protect them from the world.

- y/n : What time does your Mama get in tonight?

- Charlie : I think she said like 11, maybe midnight

- y/n : How about we order some pizza's and have a Mommy/kids movie night? I'll tell Auntie Lena I've got it covered here