The world of my inner | journal

February 13 - 2024

So, for today I want to talk about all the mumbo jumbo that is out there in the world because I find this topic very interesting. So here is my definition of mumbo jumbo:

MUMBO JUMBO:
The spiritual, religious and wellness world. Mediums. Meditation. Holistic healing. Etc. Etc

Bad definition but let's just roll with it for now because I find this needing to be discussed and needing to be taken down a notch. And I think you get where I'm trying to go. Just a disclaimer before I go into my opinions on this, if you are interested and find mumbo jumbo working for you than who am I to tell you to stop, okay. Do what makes you happy and connected with yourself. This is just my crass and harsh opinion on mumbo jumbo.

Let's get straight into it and get something cleared out first. I'm a woman who likes facts, if you have statistics on the fact then throw that into it as well. But the bottom line is that I'm based on facts. I believe in facts. Doesn't mean I don't want to believe that there is something bigger that guides us but to me it's a bunch of nonsense because there is no facts that there is a god, there is no living witness that he had existed. But I do believe it's a very nice and grand thing to rely your life on something bigger, to pray and to ask for guidance. For me, that just doesn't work. I don't believe it works. I believe there are facts and actions that determines how your story is being written and that won't change even if you pray. Your business won't be successful because you pray for it, it might give you a peace of mind but the matter of fact is that, is what you do, what actions you take, what you learn, how you act, how you carry yourself and how you respect yourself that determines the outcome. And it's different for all people how to get to that point, okay. Maybe praying helps you to behave and act like you want to, but it won't solve your problems. In the end of the day, it's you who do the work, it's you who shows up and you get the shit done. Not some higher power. It all comes down to you.

Okay, why don't I believe in mumbo jumbo? Don't get me wrong, I've tried meditation and breathing and getting connected with my inner soul. I've tried it. So I'm not sitting here and writing about a topic I have no clue about. I've done the whole shabam. I've gone to church, regularly. I've been religious. I've done meditation and tried that whole wellness thing. But, it got me nowhere. My mental health didn't get better. My physical health didn't improve. I didn't get rid of my ED. It didn't cure anxiety and depression. I didn't get in touch with myself. I didn't feel more down to earth. It got me nowhere. But what did get me somewhere, it was facts. The fact is that getting rid of an eating disorder is not something you can do with praying. You have to sit down, and you have to eat. You have to eat the food you don't want to because that's the only way to get over the fear. You have to challenge it, and that is based on facts. It's also based on personal experience. And I'm gonna dig deeper into how I got out of my eating disorder in another chapter because it's a very hefty amount of information and a lot of content that needs to be addressed and properly written, but it will come. I promise. Back to the point. Let's be very crass and harsh about this.
You wouldn't go to a doctor who tells you to just take a deep breath, pray and basically cross your fingers when you have issues with your lungs. You just wouldn't. You want facts. You want a treatment plan. You want statistics. You want to know what to do next. And that applies to literally everything! Sometimes you kind of have to take a leap of faith like when it comes to friendships and relationships. But also, you can't pray that your relationship with your boyfriend gets better during a rough patch. It doesn't work like that. There are actions that need to be taken. There are facts to realise. Maybe screw the statistics in that particular matter because in that case I think statistics are bullshit. Statistics won't tell me whenever my boyfriend will answer my text or buy me flowers. You get what I mean.

But you can't meditate yourself towards quit being lazy. Facts is that you have to kick yourself in the ass and just do it. There is no other way. Productivity doesn't come from manifesting it, it comes from discipline and consistency. You have to start telling yourself to quit couching around and do something with your life.

And this is something I've really been learning the hard way, to stop feeling sorry, stop making excuses and get the job done. I thought I was stop being anxious about certain types of food by not eating them, no, don't work like that. I thought stop talking to people about my feelings would make them happier, no, don't work like that. The world doesn't work like that, okay. And that is a fact.
And I know it may feel like a harsh truth to find out that things won't just come to you. You have to work for them. Your grades won't scale up if you don't put in the work, the same as my future advertising agency won't succeed if I don't do the work that needs to get done. And I'm here, every day, doing the work. I'm researching, I'm taking notes, I learn, I spend at least 2-3 hours a day working on this outside of my regular job. I'm here doing the work that needs to get done. And you need to do the same. No matter if that means just doing your homework or going out for a walk every day, do the shit that needs to get done.

I know this is isn't a regular journal, I'm talking about my day like every other diary, and you won't get that here. I'm not gonna tell you what I ate for breakfast and if my boyfriend texted me. That's just not gonna happen. No one finds that genuinely interesting. I may talk about my day if it has benefited me or it will benefit you. Maybe I made a huge mistake that you guys can learn from. Maybe I accomplished something. Maybe I discovered something new. Maybe something happened at my job that made me realise something. That's the shit that is interesting. Not how many cappuccinos I served. You see, I'm a girl with a large mind, my mind goes a thousand miles an hour and I have so many thoughts, opinions, ideas etc. that I want to share with someone, I have wisdom I want to pass on and I have topics I want share my opinion on. I have so much in my head I just need to get out. And the wonderful thing here is that, you can choose if you want to read or not, my family can't chose if they want to listen or not, they're my family, they kind of have to. But here, if I write something you don't agree on or you find this ridiculous or bullshit or whatever it might be that you are finding this, you can just click out, skip to the next chapter. I can write what is in my head and if you want to read it and share my life than I'm really grateful and thankful and I will do my absolute best to cherish you. But if you don't like this, then thank you for giving it a try, that is all I can ask for🫶🏻

With that said, goodnight ladies and gents! Sleep tight and I'll talk to you soon