Two Steps Ahead | Ryuuen x Ayanokouji (Official Upload)

Anchored Heart

Author's note: mb guys this was suppose to be scheduled at 12PM. This is now every chapter caught up, everything beyond this chapter will be weekly updated.

"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." - David Viscott 『 The Language of Feelings』

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愛すること、愛されることは、両面から太陽を感じることです。 - デビッド・ビスコット『感情の言語』

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"I love you... Ayanokouji..."

.

.

.

The fragility of my heart did not change. The young man clung to me like a scared child. I did not want to reject Ryuuen's feelings entirely because I wanted to believe this was true. I'm unsure why, but I wanted to. Everyone deserves a second chance. More importantly, does someone like myself deserve to have such kindness? It's hard to believe so, considering what kind of person I am. I couldn't tell if I was oblivious or afraid.

Perhaps it was time to get off my throne.

I slowly set down Ryuuen's bags and hug back. It was the best thing I could think of without directly saying anything. I couldn't tell how Ryuuen felt now, but he continued to hold on tightly. We held this position for a few minutes. I noticed a few glances and stares from other students. It was clear that we were drawing attention.

It was best if we moved.

"Ryuuen. We should move away from the crowd," I gently patted his back. It was best to treat this situation carefully. "I would prefer to avoid unnecessary attention. Afterward, I will provide an answer."

Ryuuen seemed to understand what I said because he pulled away to pick up his bags. He grabbed my hand and turned his face away to avoid eye contact. We started walking towards a more secluded area. We took a seat on some benches. Neither of us spoke for a while, and it was for the better. After a while, Ryuuen cleared his throat.

"You understand what I said, correct?" Ryuuen spoke out softly. He seemed in better condition to speak. "Heh, did it go one ear out the other?"

He was trying to hide his vulnerability with a playful remark.

I shook my head slowly. "No, I understood." I lowered my gaze towards the ground, my thoughts gathering. "I wish to give you the proper answer you deserve for your commitment and effort."

The more I thought about the past events, the more I discovered how one-sided this had become. There will be a time when I can no longer remain neutral.

"For now, I do not know. Many things have become a blur of emotion and uncertainty. It was hard to believe I'd become so close to someone." I tried verbalizing my feelings as best I could. "Perhaps I am much slower than I thought."

I turned my gaze towards the beaming ceiling lights. They shone down at us like spotlights in a circus. The air was heavy with tension and unresolved emotions.

"No. I understand as well." Ryuuen sighed softly beside me. "I did push my feelings on you. I'm sorry."

Apologizing is pointless if you only acknowledge what you have done. The next step is to devote yourself to becoming better.

"Is that all?" I turn to look at Ryuuen. He was hunched over and staring down at the ground. "Do you plan to acknowledge my feelings in the future?"

"Heh. What kind of question is that?" Ryuuen sat up to meet my gaze, "If you think I wouldn't, you'd leave now. You're still here because you still have hope."