sparks; gracie abrams

chapter sixteen- appointments

The days melted into weeks, and Ember Gray Collins remained ensconced in her own world. The replay of her fight with Gracie lingered, haunting her, every word she said turning into a storm that circled her head. The world outside seemed distant and Ember didn't quite feel real. She was at a loss, a stalemate within herself because how do you move on from something like this? Everyone around her seemed to have moved on but she was still stuck, not sure what to do or say. It was all she could do to get out of bed most days, Spoon being her biggest encouragement. Writing was still a solace and she recorded a rough version of a few of her best to have something to show for her time. Out of nowhere, Aaron Desner received an email — a sound file, the only contact she had with anyone in weeks besides her statement. The song, titled "Appointments," held a haunting beauty, and the emotion behind the sung words was almost worrying. Aaron, also working with Taylor Swift, recognized the gravity of the lyrics and grew more concerned for the young artist.

As Ember's music played in the studio, Aaron couldn't shake the sense of foreboding. Taylor, who was working with him on her own projects, noticed the concern etched on his face. When she eventually asked if there was anything on his mind, he spilled. "I'm really concerned about Ember," he admitted, his voice carrying the weight of unease. "No one has seen or heard from her for weeks, and now she sends this song. The lyrics are... They're really heavy. With all the press, the stuff that came out about her parents and brother- I can't imagine how hard it's been." Taylor, familiar with the depths of pain and isolation, felt a shiver of recognition as he played it out loud, Ember's silent plea. The empathy in her eyes spoke volumes, and without a second thought, she decided to pay Ember a visit after her studio time. The bond between Taylor and Ember was one of mutual respect and collaboration, but Taylor would be lying to herself if she said she didn't care about the girl. After writing "You're On Your Own, Kid" together, she felt there was a deeper connection and vulnerability between them. She saw a lot of herself in Ember and knew just how bad it could get when it seemed like everybody in the world was against you.

As Taylor approached Ember's apartment with a hat hiding her hair and her face shielded, the cityscape gray seemed to mirror the disarray within Ember's world. She knocked on the door, the sound reverberating through the silent corridors of solitude. After a moment, the door creaked open, revealing Ember — a mere shadow of the vibrant artist Taylor wrote with just a few weeks ago. "Ember," Taylor greeted softly, concern etched in her eyes. "Can I come in?"

Ember, surprised and a little confused by Taylor's presence, nodded. The two artists, bound by the unspoken language of shared struggles, settled into the dimly lit apartment, a glass of water now in front of Ember's guest. Taylor sensed the fragility in the air, the weight of the past few weeks begging to be acknowledged. "Ember, I heard the song you sent Aaron, 'Appointments.' It's... powerful," Taylor began, choosing her words carefully. "I felt a connection to it, like it's speaking to a place of pain, and I have to be honest... When I was like that, it was scary. And I know sometimes, you just need time. But I wanted you to know that I'm always here for you. For absolutely anything." Taylor's words were spoken delicately, but it was clear she was being honest.

Ember, unable to meet Taylor's gaze, still found solace in her understanding approach. The room felt like a confessional, the silence a canvas for Ember's fractured narrative. "I don't know if I can do this, Taylor," Ember confessed, her voice a fragile whisper. "Do what, Ember?" Taylor said softly, anxiety prickling at her skin. In combination with Ember's appearance, her lack of contact with anyone, and what she had said in the song, Taylor was more than worried. "The accusations, the fight with Gracie, I pushed everyone away. I thought I could handle it on my own, I always do it on my own. But-" Ember's voice breaks as she looks past Taylor to a spot on the wall, tears in her eyes. "I don't know if I want to do this anymore. I'm just so-" She takes a shaky breath, attempting to keep her tears at bay. "I'm just tired." Ember swallows her emotions, and Taylor feels like she just watched her factory reset. It was almost alarming how quickly and convincingly she could make it look like she was fine and it broke Taylor's heart.

"Em, you don't have to pretend, whatever you're feeling is okay. I'm here and I'm listening, okay? Just because you can do this on your own, doesn't mean you should have to." She gently takes Ember's cold hands, trying to get the younger girl to look at her. Red-rimmed green eyes meet soft blue and that's all it takes for Ember to collapse into tears. The barriers she had built around herself crumbled, and Taylor held her as she cried. Whispering comforting words, Taylor stroked the girl's hair, tears welling up in her own eyes for the pain the world had caused the gentle soul. As her sobs slowed, Ember spoke in a broken whisper, "I don't know what I ever did for them to hate me so much."

And Taylor thought her heart couldn't break anymore, those worlds almost physically pained her. As the younger girl spoke more, describing her parents' treatment of her as a kid, Taylor was ready to hire a hitman any minute. How could anyone hurt a kid, especially one as kind-hearted as Ember. How could she have grown up in that fire but still come out as altruistic and compassionate at the ripe age of 19?

"I had to go back to them," Ember admitted, her voice quivering. "After Egan died, I thought I could escape the abuse, but it was worse than ever. I had no choice, and I was trapped. It was a miracle I actually made it out at 18, that I made it out at all."

As Ember shared the painful details of her past, Taylor's comforting presence became a lifeline. The room, dimly lit and filled with the weight of shared vulnerabilities, transformed into a sanctuary of understanding. Taylor, recognizing the fragility of Ember's spirit, offered a silent embrace. "You don't have to face this alone, Ember," Taylor reassured, her voice a soothing melody. "I know it's hard to learn to trust people. You have so many people that care about you."

As Taylor eventually prepared to leave, Ember felt a mixture of gratitude and apprehension. The warmth of Taylor's presence had been a soothing balm to her wounded spirit, but as she prepared to be alone again, she feared the weight of her struggles that threatened to engulf her once more. "Thank you, Taylor," Ember murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "For everything." Taylor offered her a gentle smile, her eyes reflecting a depth of empathy that Ember rarely ever saw. "Anytime, Ember. Remember, I'm just a phone call away." With that, Taylor bid her farewell, leaving Ember to grapple with the whirlwind of emotions that had been stirred up by their conversation.

For a long while, Ember sat in silence, lost in thought as she tried to make sense of it all. Eventually, she found herself drawn to her phone, her fingers hovering in uncertainty over the screen. It had been weeks since she had last spoken to Gracie, and the guilt of their unresolved conflict weighed heavily on her heart. It couldn't be solved with a simple text. Gracie deserved more than that, Ember just needed to find the courage to let herself be vulnerable. 

author's note: sorry for the wait guys, classes, job, plus flu season got the best of me! this chapter/the song ember wrote is appointments by julien baker, i'd recommend the song and the whole album for the vibes. i'm kind of hitting a block with what to write, i've been doing a lot of poetry instead, but i am trying to keep motivation! please vote and comment to encourage me, i'm nearly on my last straw. next chapter will be up ASAP but likely after the weekend as i have hospital clinicals this week!!!

over-worked undergrad,

ella