2-way. // walking on two opposite sidewalks // what's all this for, anyway? // only people who are just one thing feel this miserable. // I am more than one thing. or maybe not? // line-breaks in the right places don't make meaning. and I am more than just one thing. all pieces melt and slip thru every crack here. flood the living room floor. saturated. a pattern breaks. watch out for the next one. // everything goes 2 ways except when you get to blatantly admitting the real reason you used to be sad. it's all mild. and occasional. // there should be someplace for everybody to go, no? even the ones you raged about. any place at all where things are simple and big. so big you close your eyes and make peace with it like it was the most obvious answer the whole time [10:48, 23 feb]
I search for emotion // anything real inside at all // empty // my last happy memory was a ruse // I was so good at the act I made myself believe it // nostalgia fucks with your head like that // I don't remember being truly happy in love // unhappy without it unhappy in it // maybe I was grateful for touch // the physicality// proved I was real // proved love could inhibit me // I wasn't empty // I was not a shell // see, memory lies to you when you're grasping for any meaning at all // what am I if not an unfillable cup? // I'll fill you up like in a dream // miles away from your little dreary mundane // you hate the cracks you hate to see me down because I don't hold you together anymore you think you deserve this happiness you don't even see it's not real
this is how to love unbearably whilst remaining strangers to each other until the very end and all the time after
what's a love built on two people's elaborate lies? // lies in demeanor, in disposition, in words, in voice, in a promise?
it becomes most comforting knowing you're never going back
I've ended up where we started. only this time // alone [00:45, 24 feb]
