Leave Before You Love Me

GET TO YOU

Michelle

Everyone says that love happens when you least expect it. I could say it's true because when I met her, love was the last thing on my mind. Loving someone was not on the list of things that I am planning to do. The clock is ticking and my time is running out, I just know it.

My mother used to hate the beeping sound of a heart monitor in our house, she always asked me how I wasn't getting tired of hearing it. As a joke, I always tell her I'm used to its beeping and that it helps me to fall asleep, but we both know it's a lie. Thank God for the evolution of technology. Now I can check for AFib and an ECG application on my watch.

"Take care of yourself, kid." My brother reminded me, helping me put my things inside the car.

"I'm going home to our parents' house. It's not like I'm going to party for two weeks straight."

He sighs. "I know, it's just... Mum and dad could be so much sometimes and I know it stresses you. Mum nags, she for sure will when you get home."

"It's gonna be fine. I missed her nagging anyway." I look at him with a small smile. "I'm scared, Abe. Been having chest pains recently, they still haven't called if there's a donor. I'm afraid that I'm running out of time."

There's a sombre look on my brother's face, no matter how much I hate to see it, still, I have to tell him. "When was your last checkup?"

I did not answer.

"You haven't been going, have you? Michelle, this isn't something you should ignore. You need to go see a doctor with mum or Maxine. You know what, how about I go home with you?"

"No. No, it's okay. I promise, just that I've been going through something." There is that clenching pain in my chest again, remembering the last time Ann and I talked. "That's the first thing I'd do when I reach home. You have some important engagements to do here, the fans are waiting for the album and you should go for it."

He ponders about it for a few moments. "Alright, only because you've written almost all the songs on this one. But the moment I get a few days free, I'll be on my way to stay with you guys. But seriously, take care of your heart, Michelle, I mean it."

My brother knows that self-care has never been a word in my vocabulary, but I know that he's worried about me. The times that Abe visits or stays in my place have become frequent and all those times that he was there, he rarely could see me emerge in the living room to join him or my sister ever since Anntonia and I ended things.

There were times when I just stayed in my bed pretending to be asleep when he and our sister came into my room to check on me, they watched me lay in the bed while I tried to even my breathing out. Maxine and Bella join us outside, ready to leave, when my brother shoots my sister a knowing look. She nods her head in assurance, muttering, "Mum and I will drag her to the hospital for a checkup if we have to."

—

It's fun being on the road, I've missed seeing the beautiful views of greenery as we near the countryside after hours of driving.

"Does she know that you're leaving?"

I already know the 'she' that Maxine is asking me about.

"Nope." I answered, remembering her having the best time of her life, dancing with someone else in the club. "I don't have to tell her the things I have to do or places I have to go, she's not even going to bother looking for me."

She winced. "It's that bad, huh? Maybe if you tell her about your situation?"

"Then what? I tell her, then she'll feel bad for me, then she'll be forced to stay with me out of pity when she really didn't want to? Besides, she's fine. Moving on and whatnot. I'm done winning her back."