Is Love a blessing or a Curse

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I wonder often, how much longer will it be before i get too tired of repeating the same cycle.

Having to beg people to care about you is tiring.

Watching them ignore every bit of instruction on how to care is even more tiring,

Is it really too much to want to be someone's first choice? Is it asking a lot to want the people you pour into to pour into you?

Because if I'm doing all of the pouring eventually i will be empty, and that's how i feel around them.

Like an empty vessel, desperately begging to be filled.

Include me, i want to be a part i beg,

You just want to be chased is what you say to destroy me

Why is every thing i ask for taken as an attack? Why do you call yourself my friends, fill my head with hope that you may actually be that, just to treat me like I'm a burden?

It's better that we never met, it's my daily wish that i never met you. Because how you all make me feel tears me bit by bit every day.

How you intentionally go out of your way to exclude me, knowing how it makes me feel. How i have to see you all laugh together online while crying at home.

IM LONELY!

And you don't care.

I wish i was blessed with a heart like that... a heart that doesn't care.

But i wasn't, unfortunately my heart beats.

And i can't pretend that It doesn't hurt when you all leave my out.

Don't you remember when it was just us 3? Now 2 join and 3 more and you treat me like an outsider at every given opportunity.

My love language is not a death sentence.

And you don't get to treat it like such.

You don't get to make me feel bad for needing words of affirmation or quality time.

You DONT get to treat me like this.

I would hate you if I didn't have so much love for you.

You my 'friends' are why i ask the Lord
is love a blessing or a curse.

Fimi Babalola

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